Tawa Baptist

Security

Scriptures: Deuteronomy 5:19; 19:14; 23:15-16, 19-20, 24-25; 24:6-7, 10-15, 19-22; 25:13-16 and 1st King 21

Video Link: https://youtu.be/voWPWYrYbm0

Structure:

  • Introduction
  • Generosity, not greed
  • Security, not anxiety
  • Trust, not threat
  • Conclusion

Introduction:

Good morning everyone.

When I was growing up in the 1970’s people didn’t lock their house during the day. You trusted your neighbours and complete strangers for that matter. If you popped down to the dairy to pick up a bottle of milk, you could leave the keys in your car, with the engine running, and not give it a second thought. You felt safe, like no one was going to pinch your stuff.

It’s not like that now. Almost every week we hear reports of ram raids and smash and grab crimes. Just two weeks ago I noticed a $200 charge on our credit card for something we had not purchased. Theft through the internet. We quickly cancelled the card to stop any further loss.

Many of you have got rid of your landline phones, partly because we use cell-phones now but also because many of the calls we get on our landline are scam artists, trying to weedle their way in our bank account.

It used to make me angry, especially when I thought of someone more vulnerable being taken advantage of. But then I thought, how desperate must someone be if they are having to resort to committing fraud for a living.

Even the post is suspect now. You take a risk sending anything of value in the mail. A number of times we’ve had things going ‘missing’ in the post.   

All these nasty little experiences breed cynicism and anxiety, undermining our sense of security and our ability to trust.

Today we continue our series in Deuteronomy. We are up to that part (in chapter 5) where Moses reiterates the ten commandments or the ten words of Yahweh. This morning our focus is the command, ‘You shall not steal’, in verse 19.

You shall not steal is perhaps one of the broadest commandments. It covers a wide range of activity. On the face of it, you shall not steal affirms the right to own personal property and provides protection for one’s material assets.

When we look at Deuteronomy as whole we get the sense that, you shall not steal is about fostering trust between people. It’s about promoting security in the neighbourhood. The kingdom of God is to be a place of generosity.

Generosity not greed, security not anxiety and trust not threat, this is the kaupapa or the purpose with the command not to steal.

Moses gives heaps of examples of how, you shall not steal, applies in daily life. Let’s start with land. The right use of land has to do with generosity. All too often human greed gets in the way.  

Generosity, not greed:

In Deuteronomy 19 we read: 14 Do not move your neighbour’s boundary stone set up by your predecessors in the inheritance you receive in the land the Lord your God is giving you to possess.

To move a boundary stone is to take land that does not belong to you. These days moving your neighbour’s boundary stone would equate to building a fence in the wrong place, so as to disadvantage your neighbour. In ancient Israel moving a boundary stone reduced your neighbour’s capacity for growing food.

Worse than this though, it was an offence against God. You see, land for the ancient Israelites, was not privately owned by individuals. Land is owned by God.

The Lord allocated portions of the Promised Land of Canaan to the various tribes of Israel. Each tribe and clan and family were to act like kaitiaki or guardians, caretakers of the land entrusted to their care. The section of land you were responsible for was to stay in your family and be passed down from generation to generation.

You could use your allocation of land to graze your sheep or grow your grain but you could never sell the land. If a family fell on hard times they could lease their land, for a specified period of time, to someone else from their tribe (ideally a close relative) but they could never permanently sell it.

As a safe guard, once every 50 years, the allocations of land were to be returned to the original family holdings.

In first Kings chapter 19, we read how king Ahab (arguably the most evil king Israel ever had) wanted to buy Naboth’s vineyard so he could grow vegetables. Ahab basically told Naboth to name his price.

Naboth, who was a regular citizen and also a God fearing man, said ‘no’ to king Ahab. ‘God forbid’ that I ever sell my land to anyone. In Naboth’s mind, Ahab was essentially trying to bribe him to move a boundary stone.

Ahab started sulking around the palace and so his wife, Jezebel, arranged to have Naboth killed so that Ahab could seize Naboth’s field. God responded by sending the prophet Elijah to pronounce judgement on Ahab and Jezebel.

We might wonder how this story applies to us in our world today, because we buy and sell land all the time.

Well, the situation of ancient Israel is not exactly the same as contemporary New Zealand. I don’t think we should interpret the law of Moses to be saying we can’t buy and sell land ever. Selling your house to buy a new one is simply a practical necessity in the world in which we live today.

We need to look deeper than the letter of the law in order to find its spirit. The purpose (or kaupapa) of the law is generosity not greed. The land is one of God’s generous gifts to us. It is part of God’s hospitality to humanity. If we misuse the land for our own selfish gain, then we are essentially treating God’s generosity with contempt. We are stealing from God.

In practical terms, not moving your neighbour’s boundary stone, means people should not be pushed off their land. Big business interests need to give way to people’s welfare. In particular, the real estate of indigenous people needs to be respected and restored where it has been stolen.   

We do well to think of ourselves as caretakers of the land and of our neighbours. With this in view, the idea of protecting fertile land, so it cannot be turned into housing or carparks but rather used to grow crops, is a sensible one. 

The command to not steal also applies to paying a fair price for things. If land is being sold under a mortgagee sale, that is no excuse to drive the price lower in order to get it for a steal (as the saying goes). As believers we need to pay what it is worth. That is what it means to be generous and not greedy.

So, generally speaking, as long as no one is being taken advantage of, it’s okay to buy and sell land in New Zealand today. In any property transaction though, we need to be thinking of how that transaction will affect others.

For Christians, the Promised Land of Canaan is a symbol or a metaphor for the Kingdom of God. Through faith in Jesus we get a share in God’s kingdom. As believers in Christ we are meant to be more attached to Jesus than we are to land. God is our eternal home, our place to belong.

So, not moving a boundary stone (in a spiritual sense) means not abandoning our faith in Jesus. It means not selling out for some temporary short term gain. It means staying loyal to God, like Naboth did.      

Security, not anxiety:

Closely related to this principle of generosity is the idea of security. In Deuteronomy 23 we read…

24 If you enter your neighbour’s vineyard, you may eat all the grapes you want, but do not put any in your basket. 25 If you enter your neighbour’s grain field, you may pick kernels with your hands, but you must not put a sickle to their standing grain.

These verses help us to see where the line is drawn between reasonable use and theft. The spirit of the law here is to encourage land owners to be generous, not stingy. At the same time, the law provides a measure of food security for the poor. Generosity and security are held together in these verses.  

In a by-gone era people who were starving in Europe got sent to jail (or to Australia) for stealing a loaf of bread or a handful of potatoes. This kind of hard line punishment against the poor, who are already in a vulnerable position, is not condoned by the Bible. 

That said, I don’t think you can help yourself to grapes and apples when you are walking through the fresh produce section of the supermarket.

It is Moses’ intention to promote security, not anxiety. In Deuteronomy 24 we find another example of food security…

19 When you are harvesting in your field and you overlook a sheaf, do not go back to get it. Leave it for the foreigner, the fatherless and the widow, so that the Lord your God may bless you in all the work of your hands. 

The Lord Almighty (Yahweh) was generous to his people up front, without them having to do anything to earn his favour. The farmers were to pay Yahweh’s generosity forward by leaving plenty of produce in the field for the poor to collect. Boaz famously did this for Ruth.     

I guess we do something similar when we leave garage sale items outside for the wider community to help themselves to.

When the principles of generosity and security are practiced, the poor do not need to be anxious. Of course, being poor or in need is not the only cause of stealing. Some people will steal anything, without any good reason.

Here, at church, we’ve had brass door latches taken, small shrubs stolen out of the garden and copper pinched off the roof. I’m not sure why people would steal from a church? What I do know is that the cost of those thefts was far greater than the value of the items stolen.

Quite apart from the physical damage burglars do to a building, on forcing entry, there is also the damage a burglary does to one’s soul. I’m talking about the erosion of trust, the heightened anxiety you might experience going into an empty building at night and that feeling of being violated in some way.

Thieves don’t just take your stuff; they can potentially rob you of your peace of mind. Who wants to live in a society where you are always looking over your shoulder, always second guessing your neighbour’s motivation?   

By the same token, when someone takes care of your stuff, it has a restorative effect on your soul. It helps you regain some capacity to trust. It makes you feel more positively connected, more at home in the neighbourhood.

In Deuteronomy 22, we read…

If you see your fellow Israelite’s ox or sheep straying, do not ignore it but be sure to take it back to its owner… 

It is not enough simply to avoid stealing. We need to actively protect our neighbour’s stuff. This is about being your brother (or sister’s) keeper. It’s about providing security and reducing anxiety in the neighbourhood.

Probably the worst kind of theft is kidnapping. Taking another human being against their will in order to exploit them in some way. This is also known as people trafficking or slavery.

Literally hundreds of thousands of people are trafficked throughout the world each year. Some are forced into the sex trade and others are made to do manual labour for next to nothing. People trafficking is revolting to God.  

In the case of stolen goods, the law of Moses stipulates that what was stolen be replaced at least two fold. But for the one who steals other people, the prescribed punishment is death. That is how serious it is.   

I don’t expect anyone here is a slave trader as such but we have probably all purchased an item of clothing made by an exploited worker at some point. Perhaps the least any of us can do is buy fair trade goods whenever we can.

The problem is we are disconnected from the supply chain. So it is often impossible to know if we are making ethical purchases.

The slave trade is the opposite of God’s law. Kidnapping for exploitation is greed in an extreme form. It threatens the life of those who are enslaved and it creates anxiety in those who wish to do the right thing.

No one is beyond God’s redemption though. Although Joseph’s brothers sold him into slavery, Joseph was (in the end) able to forgive his brothers saying: What you intended for harm, God intended for good.    

Trust, not threat:  

Okay, so the purpose of God’s command to not steal is to encourage generosity not greed, to promote security not anxiety and to foster trust not threat within the neighbourhood.

Poverty was a real threat for some in ancient Israel. God’s concern and practical care for the poor is seen again and again in Deuteronomy.

For example, in chapter 24, verses 14-15, we read: 14 Do not take advantage of a hired worker who is poor and needy… 15 Pay them their wages each day before sunset, because they are poor and are counting on it.

Sometimes the rich and middle class don’t have too many clues about how the poor live day to day. We may be completely unaware of the realities our neighbours face. God’s law requires us to put ourselves in other people’s shoes and consider things from their perspective.

We need to be thinking, how can I promote security in my neighbourhood? How can I alleviate my neighbour’s anxiety? How can I promote trust? Paying a fair rate in a timely way helps with all three.   

Sometimes, when it is difficult to make ends meet, people may be forced to borrow money. The law of Moses prohibited charging interest on loans to fellow Israelites, although they could charge interest to foreigners.

This might seem like a double standard to us but in all likelihood the foreigners Moses had in mind here were probably not poor. They might be merchants who bought and sold goods for profit. 

So the distinction is between commercial loans and compassionate loans. It is okay to charge a reasonable rate of interest on commercial loans because the borrower is not hard up and they are using your money to make a profit.

But it’s not okay to charge interest on compassionate loans to the poor because that would be profiting from someone else’s misfortune. That would be like stealing from the poor.

A compassionate loan lets people keep their dignity because they are going to pay it back, it’s not charity. At the same time, an interest free loan is generous not greedy. It promotes security and reduces anxiety in the neighbourhood.

Whether the lending is commercial or compassionate, these verses warn against loan sharking and charging unfair rates of interest.

But there is also an encouragement, for those who can afford it, to offer small interest free loans to help family members or fellow believers who are in need. Of course, common sense dictates that you should never lend more than you can afford to lose.       

In verse 6, of Deuteronomy 24, Moses talks about security for debt and how lenders are to relate with those who have borrowed from them. That is, in a trusting way, not in a threatening way. Moses says…

6 Do not take a pair of millstones—not even the upper one—as security for a debt, because that would be taking a person’s livelihood as security.

And, in verses 12-13 we read:12 If the neighbour is poor, do not go to sleep with their pledge in your possession. 13 Return their cloak by sunset so that your neighbour may sleep in it… 

To take someone’s millstone as security for a debt was like taking their fry pan or their bread mixer. It was a threatening thing to do, because without a millstone the poor borrower couldn’t make bread.

Taking a poor man’s cloak as pledge was also a threatening thing to do. Without their cloak they might be too cold to sleep at night.

Moses wants to prevent the haves from intimidating the have nots. He wants people to use their power (their money) to help the poor. This requires lenders to trust God and not threaten people by taking things that are vital for their survival.

Yes, there will be times when you lend to someone and they won’t repay you. Nevertheless, God will act as guarantor for the financially vulnerable. If you loan money in good faith to help someone in need and they fail to repay you, the Lord will see that and credit it to you as a righteous act.

Trust, not threat is the purpose or the kaupapa at work in the law here.  

Another form of theft (which undermines trust) is the use of dishonest weights. Scales that disadvantage the buyer. In Deuteronomy 25, Moses says: 15 You must have accurate and honest weights and measures… 16 For the Lord your God detests anyone who deals dishonestly.

In today’s terms that means more than just having accurate scales. It means not winding the odometer back when selling a second hand car. It means not misleading people about the discount they are getting by inflating the retail price. It means not skimping on the meat in a steak and cheese pie. It means not pumping chickens with water to make them heavier. It means being honest with nutritional information on labels.   

Honest weights support trust. Dishonest weights threaten trust. 

Conclusion:

This morning we have heard how the command not to steal applies in a variety of areas of life. The purpose with this command is to promote generosity and discourage greed. The intention is to create a sense of security in the neighbourhood and reduce anxiety. You shall not steal is also about fostering trust between people and preventing threat.

When we look at the life and ministry of Jesus, we notice the Lord was not really that attached to material possessions. His main concern was for eternal life with God the Father. Following this train of thought, our greatest love needs to Jesus, for it is in and through Christ that we have eternal life with God. 

When we are more attached to Jesus than things like money, cars, clothes, houses and furniture, then material possessions will hold less sway over us. It’s not that material things are bad. They are useful and we still need them in this world. But at the end of the day we will lose all that stuff anyway. You can’t take it with you. But nothing invested in God’s kingdom is ever lost.

Let us pray…

Gracious God, thank you for your generosity to us. May we be generous like you. Forgive us for the times we have threatened the poor, through our own ignorance and self-interest. Forgive those who have stolen our stuff, robbed our peace of mind and undermined our trust. Holy Spirit, strengthen our attachment to Jesus we pray. Amen.

Questions for discussion or reflection:

What stands out for you in reading these Scriptures and/or in listening to the sermon? Why do you think this stood out to you?

  • What was the world like when you were growing up as a child? How is it different today?
  • Have you been through the experience of being robbed? What happened? How did you feel / respond? Conversely, have you ever stolen from others? Why did you do this? How did stealing affect you?
  • How might the command not to move your neighbour’s boundary stone apply to us today?
  • In what ways did the law of Moses provide security for the poor? What can we do to strengthen security and reduce anxiety in our neighbourhoods today?
  • Why is the slave trade (kidnapping) so offensive to God?  When is it okay to charge interest on loans and when is it not okay?
  • What practical things can we do to strengthen our attachment to Jesus?
Tawa Baptist

High Fidelity

Scripture: Deuteronomy 5:18 and Matthew 5:27-28 & 31-32

Video Link: https://youtu.be/Pva-KR5maAE

Structure:

  • Introduction
  • What is adultery?
  • Strengthening marriage
  • Conclusion

Introduction:

Kia ora whanau and good morning everyone.

Normally my messages are rated PG but today’s sermon is more like an R16. Content may disturb. 

If I say the word, Hi-Fi, what am I talking about? [Wait]

That’s right, a Hi-Fi is a stereo system, for playing music. Hi-Fi is short for High Fidelity, meaning high quality sound reproduction.

Fidelity is another word for faithfulness. So a High Fidelity sound system is one which faithfully reproduces the original music to a high standard. A Hi-Fi sound is a pure sound, unadulterated.

Today we continue our series in Deuteronomy. We are up to that part (in chapter 5) where Moses reiterates the ten commandments or the ten words of Yahweh. Today our focus is the command, ‘You shall not commit adultery’, in verse 18.

In actual fact, God wants us to do more than just avoid adultery. His real intention here is for marriage to be high fidelity. Because a high fidelity marriage clearly reproduces the faithfulness of God and the faithfulness of God is music to the ears of his creation.

When we look at where adultery is placed among the ten commandments, we see it comes between murder and theft. In some ways, adultery is like murder in that it (usually) kills a marriage and breaks up a family. At the same time, it is also like theft in that it takes something precious that does not belong to you. 

The command prohibiting adultery is about protecting marriage. When you protect marriage, you protect families and when you protect families you strengthen society.  

Our message today puts the instruction of Moses (in Deuteronomy) alongside the teaching of Jesus (in the gospel of Matthew). Broadly speaking, we will look at what adultery is and how we might strengthen marriage.

What is adultery?

First though, what do we mean by adultery? Well, from a contemporary secular perspective, adultery is voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than his or her spouse.

Or to put it more plainly, adultery is when a person who is married willingly has sex with someone they are not married to. Usually my sermons come with pictures to illustrate what I mean, but it doesn’t seem appropriate in this case.  

The Bible agrees with the secular definition of adultery, except that Jesus takes it even further.

In Matthew 5, Jesus says…

27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 

So by Jesus’ (kingdom of God) definition, you don’t need to have sex in order to commit adultery. You can be guilty of adultery without touching anyone. 

Like much of Jesus’ sermon on the mount, the Lord is setting the bar of holiness very high indeed. There are a couple of things to clarify here.

Firstly, Jesus appears to be addressing married men in these verses, for he says anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery. Is he being sexist? Does this mean that only men can commit adultery and that women are not culpable?

No. Jesus is not being sexist. Women are just as capable of adultery as men and can be just as guilty. We need to understand that Jesus was speaking into a patriarchal culture. In a patriarchal society men are in control and women are generally subservient to their husbands. So there is a power imbalance.

As I read it, Jesus is addressing married men because they are the ones with the power. He is telling men to be responsible and use their power to protect their families by guarding against adultery.

At the same time, I think Jesus is undermining a common male prejudice that women are the problem; that women are somehow to blame for adultery. It’s her fault for dressing like that. Or it’s her fault for flirting with me in that way.

Jesus is not having any of that. Guys, you can’t blame women for your own selfish desire. That’s not fair. A man needs to take responsibility for controlling himself. He needs to keep it in his pants, especially in a society where women are not treated equally.  

Okay, so what does Jesus mean by looking at a woman lustfully? Well, lust is the hunger or the desire to possess someone else for your own self-gratification. Let me explain by way of example. And for this example to work you need to think of yourself as married.

You might be taking the train into the city when you notice someone who looks quite attractive. You think to yourself, they’re handsome or they’re beautiful. You don’t stare at them though. You don’t want to possess them for your own self-gratification. Instead you check the emails on your phone and your mind quickly moves on to its next thought. That is not lust or adultery.

But what if, in that scenario, an impure thought momentarily and involuntarily enters your mind. You quickly caste it out with a silent prayer, then distract yourself by doing the daily Wordle. Is that adultery? No. That is not adultery. That is temptation.

Temptation is that thin line between right and wrong. Temptation is the doorway to evil deeds. In the scenario I just described you did not cross the line of temptation. You backed away from it. Well done you.

Okay, so when does it become adultery? Well, you are on the train. You see the beautiful person. An impure thought enters your mind but this time, instead of distracting yourself with the Wordle, you welcome the thought in. You start undressing that person in your mind or you imagine them in the shower. Okay, now stop imagining. (I did warn you, this message is R16.)

If you entertain that kind of fantasy you have crossed the line of temptation and you have committed adultery with that person in your heart. You have wanted to possess that person for your own self-gratification.

You might say, that’s disgusting, I would never think like that. The truth is you don’t know the depths of your own heart. None of us knows what we might do given the opportunity. Remember how king David fell. He watched Bathsheba from a distance as she bathed naked and then he sent for her so he could sleep with her. So he could possess her for his own self-gratification.

Having said that, I don’t want you leave here today thinking, everyone is undressing me with their eyes. Most people are not thinking about you at all.

The point is, we have to be very careful with our thoughts. Thoughts are like seeds. A good thought grows into good actions. But the seed of a bad thought bears the fruit of all sorts of wrong doing. Where lust is the root, adultery is the fruit. Jesus wants us to nip adultery in the bud and prevent wrong doing before it has a chance to bear fruit. 

Choose prevention, not perversion. Choose self-denial, not self-gratification.

We are talking about what adultery is and what it means to look at someone lustfully, because by Jesus’ definition lust qualifies as adultery.

Now at this point some of you may be thinking, what about pornography? How does that fit with Jesus’ definition of adultery? Well, pornography encourages lust. Pornography provides the means for self-gratification. So, by Jesus’ standards, the use of pornography is a form of adultery.

The ancient Greek word for sexual immorality, in a general sense, is porneia, The English word pornography comes from the Greek word porneia. Pornography literally means ‘sexually immoral images’.  

In mainstream media, the use of pornography is accepted as normal and okay, provided it doesn’t involve children. But for Christians no form of pornography is acceptable, whether you are married or single.

Some people might say, ‘What’s the problem with pornography? No one is getting hurt’. That is simply not true. People are being hurt by pornography.

The use of pornography has the potential to destroy a marriage. God’s intention is for a husband and wife to give themselves to each other fully. If the husband is giving part of himself to dirty magazines and dodgey websites, then his wife is not getting the best of him.     

Deeper than this, pornography hurts the one who uses it. The more someone uses pornography the more likely they are to have impure thoughts about random strangers on the train. Pornography distorts our perception. It causes us to see other people as objects for our own self-gratification. Things to consume rather than human beings made in the image of God.

Whether you are married or single, please (for your own sake) do not go down the path of using pornography. It will put you in a prison that is very difficult to escape from.  

Deuteronomy 5, verse 21, reads: “You shall not covet your neighbour’s wife”.

In Catholic and Lutheran tradition, this verse (about not coveting your neighbour’s wife) stands alone as the ninth commandment. It is not lumped together with coveting your neighbour’s house and donkey. Wives are qualitatively different from houses and cars.

In the Greek version of the Old Testament, the word translated as covet is the same word Jesus uses for lust in Matthew 5. Lust / covet, same word in the original Greek. This is because coveting (like lust) is about the hunger or the desire to possess someone or something for our own self-gratification.

The implication here is that adultery isn’t just about sexual desire. Adultery can be about desiring someone else’s spouse for any reason. For example, a woman may covet her neighbour’s husband because he is good at earning money. In that case the lust isn’t sexual, it’s about greed or insecurity.    

Adultery doesn’t always present itself as so obviously evil. More often the temptation to self-gratification presents itself as something good, at first, but we don’t realise the path we are on until too late.

Returning to our train scenario. Imagine someone sits beside you on the train. You don’t have any inappropriate thoughts. You talk about the weather.  A couple of days later you sit together again and they share a few small details of their life. Turns out they work in a government department.

The weeks go by and you look forward to your daily commute. Your train buddy is easy to talk to. You feel comfortable with them. One day, their hand brushes against yours. It feels electric. You wonder if they felt it too. 

You find yourself thinking of them more and more after that. Innocent enough thoughts. You wonder what they might be having for dinner, whether they are watching the same TV programme as you, what they are planning for the weekend, that sort of thing.

Over the course of weeks and months you learn bits and pieces of their story. How their husband or wife left them to raise a child on their own. You feel a kind of empathy for their situation and before long you imagine yourself coming to their rescue, being their white knight or their Fraulein Maria.

Next you find they are populating your every waking thought. You become jealous when you see anyone else talking with them. You start going to the gym more often and eating a little less to get in shape, just in case.

At the same time, you pull away from your own spouse. You stay later at work, you talk less when you come home, you are more irritable with your family and you choose to withhold sex from your husband or wife.

Occasionally, you have a twinge of guilt but it soon passes. How can this be wrong when I feel so good? Besides, you are not sleeping with your train buddy (at least not yet). But still, your loyalty is divided. You are having an affair of the heart. You are trapped in a fantasy, an illusion which gratifies your ego or at least dulls the pain you feel. This too is a form of adultery.

Okay, so we’ve talked about the physical act of adultery, which is normally preceded by mental and emotional adultery, an adultery of the heart. But there is another kind of adultery too. In Matthew 5, verses 31-32, Jesus says…

31 “It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

This is high fidelity stuff. Again, Jesus’ words here need to be understood in their proper context. A man in ancient Jewish culture could divorce his wife simply by writing her a letter of dismissal. Jewish women had no legal right to divorce their husband. It was a patriarchal society. Power imbalance.   

The conservatives of Jesus’ day said the only justifiable cause for divorcing your wife was if she was guilty of sexual immorality of some kind (porneia). The liberals, on the other hand, said a man could divorce his wife for anything. Maybe if she burnt the dinner or if he decided he liked the lady on the train more.

Not all husbands were so callous. Some loved their wives and remained loyal to them. But, by and large, men at that time felt entitled to send their wife away at a moment’s notice.

This was incredibly unfair to women, especially when we remember they had no social welfare benefit to fall back on and career options were limited.

Jesus took a hard line approach on the issue of divorce because he could see men were abusing the law at the expense of women and children. Some husbands were using a loop hole to get rid of their old wife so they could marry a new one. Serial monogamy. That is effectively the same as adultery, just with a thin veil of respectability.

Jesus is saying, it’s not okay guys for you opt out of your marriage commitment for your own convenience. Men, you need to stay loyal to your wife.

Now I imagine there will be some here who have been through the pain of divorce and remarriage. These words of Jesus are not meant to condemn you. Jesus’ intent is to protect those who are most vulnerable.

Your attitude to marriage and the reasons for your divorce may be entirely different from the problem Jesus was addressing in the first century. If you have left a marriage because you were abused or abandoned or betrayed, that’s a different matter. 

Whatever the circumstances of your divorce, God is gracious. I believe the Lord is willing to forgive anyone who is genuinely repentant.

The other thing I want to make plain is that, by Jesus’ standards, almost everyone listening to this is guilty of committing adultery, if not in deed then in their heart. And so no one here has the moral high ground. We are all in need of God’s mercy and forgiveness.

Returning to the main point. As Christians we are called to high fidelity in marriage. For us, marriage needs to be about commitment, not convenience. Divorce, in order to trade up to someone you like better, is not allowed for believers.

Strengthening marriage:

Okay, so now that we have explored what adultery is, let’s turn to something more positive. How do we strengthen marriage? How do we improve fidelity in marriage? I have three D’s for you: Discipleship, delight and disclosure.

Many people these days look to marriage as a means for self-fulfilment. They approach marriage with the mind-set of what can I get out of this? How can this benefit me? How can this make me happy? Me, me, me.

That sort of expectation puts way too much pressure on a marriage. As soon as one partner is unhappy, they look for a way out.

There are benefits and happiness in being married but marriage can also be difficult at times. A husband and wife need to be prepared to weather some unhappiness and stick with each other through the tough times.  

When Jesus talked about marriage it was often in the context of discipleship.    A disciple is a student or an apprentice. A disciple of Christ is someone who is learning to be like Christ. Marriage is one way to learn to be more like Jesus. It’s not the only way but if you are married it is probably the main way.

When we think of marriage not as something that fulfils me but rather as an opportunity to love and serve our partner, even when that involves sacrifice, then our expectations will be far more realistic. Over time, we will strengthen our marriage relationship, we will build our character and become more like Christ.

For example, there might be times in your marriage when you go months (perhaps longer) without having sex, due to illness or busy-ness or whatever.

If that happens you don’t think, where can I go to get some satisfaction? (Maybe I’ll take the train to work today.) No. As a disciple you think, how can I learn to be more like Christ through this experience? Jesus was celibate. I too will practice self-control and find other ways to be intimate with my spouse.

Another example of how discipleship works: In any marriage there will be little things that irk you about your partner. Small frustrations. Maybe they always leave the toilet seat up or they put the milk bottle back in the fridge when the bottle is empty or they don’t replace the toilet roll or they throw the tooth paste out before it has been fully used, or they restack the dishwasher after you’ve already done it, or something else that might annoy you.

Those moments of frustration are part of your discipleship. They are an opportunity to develop patience and show grace, as Jesus does for us.      

Our second D stands for delight. Husbands and wives can strengthen fidelity in marriage by delighting in each other. This means having fun together in a whole variety of ways, including enjoying each other’s bodies.

As we read in Proverbs 5: 18 May your fountain be blessed, may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. 19 A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.

Although that verse is addressed to a man, it applies to women as well. Wives, may you rejoice in the husband of your youth, may his fountain satisfy you always.

The point is, when a husband and wife are looking for ways to make each other happy, they will have no need to look elsewhere.

Disclosure is another way to strengthen fidelity in marriage. Disclosure is about being open and honest with your spouse. Not keeping secrets. Now, as a pastor, I can’t tell Robyn everything about my work. There are some things people tell me in confidence and that stays with me.

Disclosure in marriage means answering any question your partner asks in relation to you and your relationship together. It means letting your spouse have access to your phone, your computer and your diary. It also means paying attention and listening well to what your husband or wife is saying to you.     

Disclosure, being honest, is not always easy to do. It is a learned skill. It takes patience and time. Saying the first 90% of what you need to say is relatively painless. It’s the last 10% of your truth that tends to hurt. But at the intersection of truth and love, trust is formed and intimacy is allowed to breathe.

Viewing marriage as a pathway of discipleship, delighting in your spouse and learning the art of graceful disclosure, all these things strengthen fidelity in marriage.  

Conclusion:

There’s one more thing I want to share with you, a single verse from Deuteronomy 24, which reads: 5 If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married.

Moses was wise. This is about laying a good foundation in your marriage. And its great advice for anyone who is married, whether it’s been one year or 50 years. Don’t just avoid adultery, foster high fidelity in your marriage. Bring happiness to your wife or husband.

Let us pray…

Loving God, you are faithful through all the seasons of life. By your standards most of us are guilty of adultery, if not in deed then in our hearts. Forgive us we pray. Whether we are married or single, may you satisfy our hunger for love. May our relationships be characterised by commitment, not convenience. By self-giving, not self-gratification. Through Jesus we pray. Amen.

Next week we look at the commandment about not stealing. I expect the message will be rated PG. So you should feel more comfortable, unless you are a burglar. May God bless you (and be careful on the train this week). 

Questions for discussion or reflection:

What stands out for you in reading this Scripture and/or in listening to the sermon? Why do you think this stood out to you?

  • What is adultery? How does a secular understanding of adultery differ from Jesus’ teaching on adultery? What is adultery of the heart? Where do you draw the line?  
  • Why did Jesus specifically address married men in Matthew 5:28?
  • How might we deal with impure thoughts? How might someone recover from pornography?
  • Why did Jesus take a hard line approach against divorce in Matthew 5:32? Why did Jesus insist on such a high standard of fidelity in marriage? 
  • What difference does it make thinking of marriage as a pathway of discipleship, rather than a pathway to self-fulfilment?
  • What practical things can people do to strengthen fidelity in marriage?
Tawa Baptist

Protect Life

Scripture: Deuteronomy 5:17; 19:1-13; 21:1-9 and Matthew 5:21-26

Video Link: https://youtu.be/3jKtfMUW85s

Structure:

  • Introduction
  • Murder – protect life
  • Manslaughter – pursue justice
  • Mystery – provide atonement
  • Conclusion

Introduction:

Good morning everyone.

Have you ever noticed how many books, TV series and movies involve a murder mystery? Most of us would recoil in shock and horror if we were ever involved in a real life murder but, for some strange reason, we still like a good who dun it story.

Why is that I wonder? Is it simply the desire to solve the puzzle? Or is it the satisfaction of seeing justice done? Or maybe a fascination with own our mortality? I don’t know?

Personally, I have enjoyed G.K. Chesterton’s character, Father Brown, and also James Runcie’s hero priest, Sydney Chambers. They are pretty tame though. Anything too violent I don’t find entertaining.   

This morning we continue our series in Deuteronomy. We are up to that part (in chapter 5) where Moses reiterates the ten commandments or ten words of Yahweh. Today our focus is the command, ‘You shall not murder’, in verse 17.

You would think a short command like that would be fairly straight forward. You shall not murder. Sounds like a good idea. Sermon done. Well, not quite. It turns out killing can be quite complicated.

Our message this morning looks at three of the problems that come with killing. There is the problem of murder, the problem of manslaughter and the problem of mystery deaths. Deuteronomy has a method and purpose in dealing with each of these problems.  First, let’s consider the problem of murder…

Murder:

Some Bibles translate the commandment as You shall not kill while others go with You shall not murder. So which is it? Because murder has a different nuance of meaning to the word kill.   

If you kill a wild deer, when you are out hunting, that is not considered murder. Likewise, if a soldier kills someone in battle, that is not considered murder either. Murder normally refers to the premeditated killing of an individual person, outside the context of a war. 

Well, the Hebrew word for kill, in a general sense, is harag. (Please excuse my poor pronunciation.) A shepherd might harag a wolf to protect his sheep. Or a soldier might harag an enemy soldier to protect his country.

The Hebrew verb, normally translated as murder, is ratsakh. A different word from kill.

Deuteronomy 5:17 uses ratsakh, which usually means the wilful, premeditated killing of another human being out of hatred, anger, passion, envy, fear or for some other reason the community regards as illegitimate. [1]

To complicate matters, the word ratsakh is sometimes also used when talking about accidental killings. However, the context always makes it clear what the writer means. In the context of Deuteronomy 5, the command is best understood in English as, you shall not murder.

For us 21st Century Western readers, the prohibition against murder raises a whole raft of questions. For example, why is murder outlawed in the Old Testament, while Holy War is permitted under certain circumstances?

Some might also ask questions of the Biblical text that the original writers were not trying to answer. For example, is abortion murder? What about euthanasia, how does that fit with this command?

These sorts of questions need to be taken seriously and the people whose lives are affected by these questions need to be treated with respect. For that reason, I’m not going to attempt to answer these concerns in this sermon. We simply can’t do justice to these subjects in the time available.

I will say this though: one of the main purposes of the law of Moses is to protect life. Protecting human life is certainly the purpose with the prohibition against murder.

Thou shalt not murder is not unique to Jewish / Christian religion. It goes back centuries before Moses. Pretty much every culture and religion has a rule against murder.

In Genesis 9, after the great flood when God was cutting a covenant with Noah, the Lord said: 6 “Whoever sheds human blood, by humans shall their blood be shed; for in the image of God has God made mankind.

Human beings are made in the image of God and that makes our lives sacred. In addition to the harm a murder causes families and the wider community, to murder someone is to assault the image of God. It is a personal affront to God.

The Law of Moses commanded the death penalty for murderers. In the historical context of the time, the death penalty provided a strong deterrent to murder and it satisfied natural justice, putting an end to the matter. The death penalty was also a way for Israel to maintain the moral purity of the nation.

Does that mean we should return to the death penalty today? Well, the larger Biblical narrative shows a God who is both just and merciful. A God who makes people accountable for their actions but who also looks for ways to redeem wrong doers.

God protected Cain after Cain had murdered his brother Abel, although there were still consequences for Cain. Likewise, God did not have David killed after David murdered Uriah. By the same token, God did not let David get off Scott free. David and his family still faced judgment.      

Looking at the Bible as whole, I don’t think we should think of the death penalty for murder as an ideal to strive for. Jesus shows us through his teaching and his example the ideal of God’s Kingdom. In Matthew 5 we read…

21 “You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ 22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sisterwill be subject to judgment.

As I understand these verses, Jesus is wanting to prevent murder from happening in the first place, by nipping anger in the bud. If murder is the fruit, then anger is the root. When we learn to positively manage our anger, we have a better chance of avoiding violence.

In order to manage our anger, we must first be aware of when we are feeling angry. What are our triggers? What are the things that press our buttons? Try to avoid those triggers if you can.

Anger is normally a secondary emotion. So the next question is, what’s fuelling my anger? Is my anger unrighteous; the product of my own envy, hate ignorance and fear? Or is my anger righteous; a reaction to some kind of injustice?

If my anger is unrighteous, then I need to get my heart and head straight. I need to humble myself and seek to make things right. But if my anger is righteous, then I need to take a breath and ask God what he wants me to do about it, if anything.

Jesus rightly became angry at the injustice he saw with the money changers in the temple and he overturned their tables as a prophetic statement, an acted out parable. Jesus was not envious or fearful of the money changers. Nor did he hate them. To the contrary, Jesus was acting in love to give everyone a fair deal.

We are not Jesus though. The difficulty is that, in the heat of the moment, we become blind. We may feel completely justified in calling someone an idiot or throwing a punch, but we don’t see the whole picture. Exercising self-control and managing our anger requires us to slow down and think.

Okay, so where the problem is murder, Deuteronomy prohibits murder and provides the death penalty as a deterrent. The purpose of the Law here is to protect human life.

As followers of Jesus we are not to come anywhere close to murder. We are to practice self-control. That means nipping unrighteous anger in the bud and channelling righteous anger in a non-violent way.

We can’t expect self-control to come naturally though. Self-control is one of the fruits of the Spirit and needs to be cultivated through the practice of certain spiritual disciplines, like slowing down to make time for prayer and reflection.  

Manslaughter:

What about the problem of manslaughter or accidental killings? Well, Deuteronomy has some advice on that issue as well. In chapter 19 we read about the provision of ‘cities of refuge’ for those who accidentally kill a neighbour without malice or premeditation. From verse 5 we read…

5 For instance, a man may go into the forest with his neighbour to cut wood, and as he swings his axe to fell a tree, the head may fly off and hit his neighbour and kill him. That man may flee to one of these cities [of refuge] and save his life. 6 Otherwise, the avenger of blood might pursue him in a rage, overtake him if the distance is too great, and kill him even though he is not deserving of death, since he did it to his neighbour without malice aforethought.

When I was at High School another guy (First 15, Maadi cup, body builder sports type) pushed me to the ground and punched me in the face while I was still on the ground. I never saw it coming.

A teacher stopped him before he did too much damage and took us both to the Principal. It turns out this guy thought I had stood on his pie. I didn’t stand on his pie. I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

In the heat of his anger he thought he was completely justified in taking revenge. Afterwards though, when his perspective had returned, he felt bad and regretted his actions. It didn’t really bother me. I let it go and moved on. 

Life is messy. People make mistakes. Accidents happen. Sometimes wires get crossed and reason goes out the window. Moses understood this and provided cities of refuge for the innocent to escape to when things went pear shaped.   

There were to be six of these cities of refuge, three on each side of the Jordan River, and each with good roads leading to them, so the accidental killer could escape before being overtaken by the avenger of blood.

When we hear the phrase ‘avenger of blood’, we might think of Marvel comic book heroes like Iron Man, Captain America, the Hulk and so on. That’s not what Deuteronomy means by an avenger.

The avenger of blood was a close relative who, in ancient near eastern culture, was honour bound to kill the person who had murdered their family member. Deuteronomy did not outlaw this wild west form of retribution but it did try to restrict it so that revenge killings at least served the purpose of justice.

Sometimes the avenger of blood would act in the heat of the moment without waiting for a proper legal process to sort out the facts. This could lead to miscarriages of justice if the avenger got the wrong person or misunderstood the situation.    

The problem with accidental killings is that there are two victims. The person who died and the one who inadvertently caused the death. Imagine the burden of guilt you would carry. How do you live with that? Someone who commits manslaughter is innocent of pre-meditated murder and therefore justice requires they be treated in a more lenient way.

Having an accessible city of refuge to escape to, gave the accidental killer sanctuary until the case could be decided properly by the elders of the town. Moses was trying to promote proper processes of justice and prevent angry relatives from taking matters into their own hands.

The purpose of the law here (and elsewhere) is to encourage people to pursue justice, not revenge.

We often associate the Old Testament with the verse: ‘an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth’. That saying was not intended to promote revenge. It was intended to limit revenge and ensure that justice was done by making the punishment fit the crime.

The Old Testament, like the New Testament, promotes justice with mercy. In Leviticus (an Old Testament book) we read: Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people but love your neighbour as you love yourself. 

Sounds a lot like something Jesus would say, don’t you think? Except that Jesus took it even further saying, in Matthew 5…

43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbour and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven.

The part about loving your neighbour comes from the Old Testament. But the part about hating your enemy does not come from anywhere in the Bible. That’s just a made up saying.

Loving your enemies is the opposite of retaliation. Perhaps the greatest expression of love is forgiveness. This teaching of Jesus is incredibly difficult to apply because it requires us to submit to unjust treatment. We need to accept God’s forgiveness for ourselves before we can forgive others.

Okay, so where the problem is manslaughter, Deuteronomy says, ‘provide cities of refuge’. The purpose of the Law here is to encourage the community to pursue justice and not take revenge prematurely.

As followers of Jesus we are to resist the temptation to take revenge and practice forgiveness. Jesus shows us most clearly what love and forgiveness looks like in the way he went to the cross without defending himself.

Though he was powerful, with legions of angels at his disposal, Jesus did not lift a finger against his enemies. And though he was innocent, Jesus did not insist on justice for himself. Instead, Jesus prayed for his persecutors saying: Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.     

We’ve talked about the problem of murder and the problem of manslaughter. What to do though when there is a mystery death? Deuteronomy recommends providing atonement.

Mystery:  

In Deuteronomy 21, we read that where someone is found dead in a field and it is not known who the killer is, the elders of the town nearest the dead body shall make atonement by breaking the neck of an unworked heifer beside a flowing stream. 

6 Then all the elders of the town nearest the body shall wash their hands over the heifer whose neck was broken in the valley, 7 and they shall declare: “Our hands did not shed this blood, nor did our eyes see it done. 8 Accept this atonement for your people Israel, whom you have redeemed, Lord, and do not hold your people guilty of the blood of an innocent person.” Then the bloodshed will be atoned for,

Atonement is the action of making amends for a wrong or an injury. For example, if someone borrows your car and gets a speeding ticket while driving it, then they might make atonement by paying the fine. Or, if someone in a position of responsibility fails in their duty, they might make atonement by resigning from their job. Or, if colonists steal land from the indigenous people, then they might make atonement by returning the land.

Atonement, in a religious sense, has to do with the removal of guilt. The ritual described in Deuteronomy 21 removed any suggestion of guilt from the land and from the people who had no part in the crime.

We, who live in the contemporary western world, might struggle to see how breaking the neck of a perfectly good heifer atones for an unsolved killing. But it doesn’t need to make sense to us. The point is, it made sense to people in ancient Israel.

Having a special ritual like this did a number of things. Firstly, it protected the community from indifference. If someone is killed, that is a serious matter and should not be ignored or swept under the carpet. It needs to be brought into the light and that person’s life needs to be honoured in some way.

Furthermore, Deuteronomy 21 recognises the corporate responsibility of the entire community for the crimes of individuals. Unless the community responds to the crime, by formally declaring it’s innocence, the guilt of the individual rests on the heads of the whole community. [2]

We may struggle with that way of thinking because we live in a relatively individualistic society, one in which people are quick to avoid responsibility. We would do well to consider how our community makes atonement for serious wrong doing.

The purpose of the law, in Deuteronomy 21, is to make atonement for the land and for the community. Thinking of atonement reminds me of what Jesus says, in Matthew 5:23-24…

23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.

I expect Jesus had atonement in mind when he gave this teaching. ‘Making amends’ is one of the essential steps in any reconciliation process.

Jesus himself provided atonement for us on the cross. It is through faith in Jesus’ death and resurrection that we are reconciled to God. There is a mystery to the cross and to the atonement Jesus accomplishes on our behalf. We can’t quite grasp how it works but we don’t need to. Atonement, with a view to reconciliation, always involves an element of faith.

Conclusion:

This morning we have heard what Deuteronomy has to say in relation to the problems of murder, manslaughter and mystery deaths. Murder is prohibited. Cities of refuge are provided for those who commit manslaughter and the community together is to take responsibility for unsolved deaths.  

The purpose of the law in all these cases is to protect life, pursue justice and provide atonement.

Jesus fulfils the law and in so doing shows us three values or practices of heaven. Namely: self-control, forgiveness and reconciliation.

What is the Spirit of Jesus saying today? How might this apply to us?

Well, how short is your fuse? How quickly do you lose your temper? Anger is dangerous. Like embers of a fire, anger takes time to cool and can easily be stirred up to full blaze again. Don’t give your anger oxygen. Don’t give it fuel. Don’t keep replaying old grievances in your mind. Let it go. Ask God for the cooling water of grace to forgive.

Perhaps you are not harbouring anger. Perhaps you are exhausted from carrying guilt over some harm you have caused. If the harm was accidental, unintentional, then you are a victim too. Not that you allow yourself the indulgence of thinking that way.

Guilt makes us a prisoner to fear. Guilt forces us to run and hide. Are you looking for refuge, a safe place to rest, to escape the avenger who is always as close as your troubled conscience? 

Jesus is a refuge for the guilty. More than that, he is the bridge of atonement. Lay your guilt at the foot of the cross. Make your confession to Jesus. Trust the Lord to justify you. Accept God’s forgiveness and let Christ make amends for you. 

Let us pray…

Father God, forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us. Replace our fear with love. Replace our guilt with righteousness. Replace our anger with grace. Lord, we ask for mercy in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Questions for discussion or reflection:

What stands out for you in reading this Scripture and/or in listening to the sermon? Why do you think this stood out to you?

  • Do you like murder mysteries and who dun it stories? If you do, what are your favourites? Why do you like murder mysteries?
  • Why did Jesus say, “anyone who is angry with a brother or sisterwill be subject to judgment”? What strategies (or spiritual disciplines) can we practice to cultivate self-control and positively manage our anger? How can we tell when our anger is righteous and when it is unrighteous?
  • What was the law of Moses encouraging with the designation of cities of refuge?
  • What is atonement? Why was it necessary for the village elders to make atonement for unsolved deaths? How might local communities make atonement for serious wrong doing these days?
  • Discuss / reflect on the three purposes of the law covered in the sermon above. That is, to protect life, pursue justice and provide atonement? How do these interact with each other? How might we apply these principles today?
  • Have you ever felt guilty? How did you find release from your guilt? Have you ever felt angry? How did you find release from your anger?

[1] Refer Patrick Miller’s Interpretation Commentary on Deuteronomy, page 87. 

[2] Refer Daniel Block, NIVAC Deuteronomy, page 492. 

Tawa Baptist

Honour

Scripture: Deuteronomy 5:16

Video Link: https://youtu.be/Lt475BHSMYs

Structure:

  • Introduction
  • What?
  • Why?
  • How?
  • Conclusion

Introduction:

Good morning everyone.

Many of you of will be familiar with the TV show, The Repair Shop. In The Repair Shop people bring in broken family heirlooms for a team of skilled crafts people to restore.

First the family come in and tell the story behind the item they want repaired. Then the item is worked on, before the family return for the great reveal. Tears inevitably follow.

I like The Repair Shop because it is essentially about redemption. Not only is the object itself redeemed but, at a deeper level, honour is restored.

Time and time again we hear how people are having the item restored to honour a parent or grandparent. The object itself becomes symbolic of the relationship. Restore the broken object and in some way you have honoured the person who gave you the object.

This morning we continue our series in the book of Deuteronomy. You may remember we have been working our way through Moses’ reiteration of the ten commandments. Today we pick up the commandment to honour our parents. From Deuteronomy 5, verse 16 we read…

16 “Honour your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you.

May the Spirit of Jesus illuminate God’s word for us.

Our message today focuses on three questions in relation to this verse: what, why and how? What is honour? Why do we honour our parents? And how do we honour our parents? First let’s consider what honour is.

What?

In English the term honour is associated with words like esteem, reverence, respect, dignity and integrity. Honour can be a noun (a naming word) or a verb (a doing word). As a verb, honour is about treating someone with respect and it’s about fulfilling our obligations, making good on our commitments. An honourable person does the right thing by themselves and others.

Esteem, respect, dignity, integrity and the like, all fit with the Biblical meaning of honour as well. But there is another nuance to the meaning of honour in the context of Deuteronomy. The Hebrew word for honour (kabbed) means the opposite of curse.

Elsewhere in the law of Moses the command to honour your father and mother is stated negatively and with a punishment. In Leviticus 20, for example, we read: If anyone curses his father or mother, he must be put to death.

Cursing, in this context, does not mean using foul language with your parents (although we should avoid swearing of course). Cursing is the opposite of honouring. To curse means to treat lightly or with contempt. To regard someone of little account. To treat a parent without dignity or without worth. [1]

If cursing one’s parents is the opposite of honouring them, and cursing equates to treating them lightly or with contempt, then to honour your parents is to treat the relationship as a weighty matter, something of great importance. Your parents’ well-being is not to be taken lightly.  

We might look at Leviticus 20, through our 21st Century western lens and think, ‘Whoa, the death penalty for cursing your parents is a bit harsh isn’t it?’

Well, I don’t think Jesus wants to condemn someone to death for mistreating their parents. Jesus would be looking for a way to redeem that person.

In Luke 15, Jesus tells the parable of the Prodigal Son. When the younger son asked for his share of the inheritance before his father had died, he was basically cursing his father. That was like saying, ‘I wish you were dead’.

To then go away and waste his father’s money on sex, drugs and rock n’ roll was to treat his relationship with his mother and father lightly or with contempt.     

In Jesus’ parable, the father does not kill the prodigal son for cursing him. The father welcomes him with open arms and gives him a place of honour. It is the kindness of God that leads people to repentance.

Having said that, we need to honour the law of Moses by seeking to understand it in its original context.

The commandment to honour your parents was given primarily to adults. Yes, young children are to honour their parents too but we shouldn’t think that every time a small child or a teenager got a bit grumpy with Mum or Dad, they were dragged out to be stoned. No.

The law of Moses was all about protecting the weak and the vulnerable. And, in the context of Deuteronomy 5 the weak and vulnerable are aging parents. Honouring your father and mother is about adult children taking care of their parents, not neglecting them or abusing them.  

Getting old is not easy. It’s tough. It comes with more pain and more challenges. Everything is harder and takes longer. The powers you possessed as a younger person seem to drain away.

The law of the jungle says, ‘Survival of the fittest individual’ and ‘Look out for number one’. But the law of Moses says, ‘No, no. We are all in this together. It’s survival of the kindest community’. The people of God take care of the elderly and infirm.

Okay, so when Moses talks about honouring your parents, what he means is, treat your relationship with your parents as a weighty matter, something of great importance. Don’t take your parents’ well-being lightly. 

Why?

But why should we honour our parents?  Well, the rest of verse 16 gives us two reasons why…

Firstly, because the Lord your God has commanded you.

This means, parents have a God given authority in relationship to their children. God has authorised parents to protect, provide for and teach their young children. Parenting is a sacred responsibility. 

Now let me be very clear. When I say that parents have a God given authority in relationship to their children, I do not mean that parents can do whatever they want where their children are concerned. No.

Parents are not authorised to abuse or neglect their children. They simply have a right to protect, provide for and teach the children God has entrusted to their care. So it is in this context that children have an obligation before God to accept the security and wisdom their parents have to offer.

Maybe, when you were young, your parents did not have the means to provide you with everything you wanted. Maybe you got the cheap jeans instead of the Levis. Maybe you missed out on the overseas trip or the new bike. Honouring your Mum & Dad means appreciating what they were able to provide and not despising them or resenting them for what they could not afford.   

Raising a family is hard work. Most parents are doing the best they can under the circumstances. Unfortunately, we often don’t figure that out until we become parents ourselves.

As our parents get older the relationship changes and the roles reverse so that adult children become responsible for protecting and providing for their elderly parents. This is the right and honourable thing to do.

Jesus was pretty strong on this idea of honouring your parents. In Matthew 15 the religious leaders ask Jesus why his disciples don’t wash their hands and Jesus responds by saying to the Pharisees…

3“And why do you disobey God’s command and follow your own teaching? 4 For God said, ‘Honour your father and your mother,’ and ‘If you curse your father or your mother, you are to be put to death.’ 5 But you teach that if people have something they could use to help their father or mother, but say, ‘This belongs to God,’ 6 they do not need to honour their father.In this way you disregard God’s command, in order to follow your own teaching.

Charity begins at home, as my grandfather used to say.

We are talking about why we should honour our parents. Firstly, because God commands it and secondly (from Deuteronomy 5, verse 16)…

…so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you.

Now, this promise is best interpreted in community terms, not in individual terms. The promise here is not so much long life for each individual child who obeys their parents. It’s more the benefit of social stability for any society in which children generally honour their parents. [2] 

In other words, when we honour our parents it is good for everyone. The family is the basic building block of society. Good family relationships are the glue that hold a society together and enable it to function well.

When large numbers of families break down, so does the fabric of society. But when families function well, looking after each other, society flourishes and the nation as a whole lasts a long time in the land.

If you think about it, taking care of the elderly is your insurance. If you have treated your parents well, your kids will see that and be more inclined to treat you well. What goes around comes around.

So, we honour our parents because God commands it, because natural justice requires it and because it benefits society, which in turn benefits us personally.

How?

We’ve talked about the what and the why, of honouring our parents. Now let’s consider the how.

Perhaps the best way of honouring your parents is by the way you live your life. Being a blessing to your parents. Not causing your parents grief or worry or anguish by the choices you make. Relating well with your siblings so that family get togethers are a source of joy and not conflict.

If your parents and grandparents have made sacrifices to give you a good start in this world, then give them a good return for their investment.

I never met my great-grandfather but I was given his Bible. In the front of the Bible are written these words: “Special prize, presented to Albert Anderson for essay on the life of Joshua… 28 October 1908”     

I am told that Albert was a devout Christian who took his faith seriously and apparently had some aptitude for Biblical study.

Six years after receiving this Bible, Albert put his tools down (he was a carpenter) and enlisted in the New Zealand Expeditionary forces to fight in the First World War. He came home to New Zealand five years later.

On his return Albert kept his faith and attended church regularly, but I don’t think he was ever quite the same. People called him ‘silent Albie’ because he didn’t talk much.

After the war his wife died and the great depression of the 1930’s followed. Life was not easy for him. He did not have the same opportunities or choices that most of us enjoy. Albert died of cancer before reaching old age.

I sometimes wonder how his life might have turned out if he didn’t go to war or if his wife didn’t die so young or if university had been an option for him. Would he have pursued his love of the Bible and become a preacher? Would he have chosen a different path? Who knows?

What I do know is that I honour his life, his suffering and his hardship by the way I live my life and by making the most of the opportunities I have been given. How do you honour your parents and grandparents?

In Ephesians 6, the apostle Paul has this to say about how children are to honour their parents: Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.  2 “Honour your father and mother”

Hmm? Do we really have to obey our parents? Well, the context suggests the children Paul is addressing here are young. Because, in verse 4, Paul gives some advice to parents saying…

4 Fathers,do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

The children in this context, therefore, are still at home and dependent on their parents. More importantly though the children are being told to obey their parents in the instruction of the Lord. So obedience is required when parents are teaching their children to follow Jesus.

Paul is encouraging Christian parents to think of themselves as making disciples of their children. Parents are like missionaries to their children. You don’t have to go overseas to make disciples. Discipleship starts in the home. Don’t leave the internet to raise your kids.

In Luke chapter 2 we come across a story from Jesus’ childhood. The story ends with Luke saying that Jesus was obedient to his parents.

Jesus’ parents were Godly people, even if they didn’t quite understand their son. By submitting to Mary & Joseph, Jesus was essentially submitting to God, his heavenly Father, who entrusted Jesus to Mary & Joseph’s care.

Obviously, if parents tell a child to do something that is clearly wrong or immoral, the child does not need to obey. Our first allegiance is always to God. 

Ideally, we are aiming for a mutually respectful relationship with our parents. One in which they consider for us and we consider for them. If, as adults, our parents ask something of us that we can’t do, then we have a conversation with them and try to arrive at a solution that works for everyone.    

Sometimes, in mid-life, we may feel like the meat in the sandwich. On the one hand we have teenage or young adult children who still need our support and, at the same time, we have aging parents who may also need some help.

To make things more difficult we often don’t live in the same city. It’s a lot harder to help family from a distance. Sometimes life’s circumstances force you to make a difficult choice. At the end of the day you can only do what is in your power to do.

When Jesus was hanging on the cross, about to die, his options were limited. His earthly father Joseph was dead. He was the eldest son. How would he honour his mother in that most difficult of all situations? One of the last things Jesus did was entrust his mother’s care to his best friend. In John 19 we read…   

26 When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to her, “Woman,here is your son,” 27 and to the disciple, “Here is your mother.” From that time on, this disciple took her into his home.

It wasn’t in Jesus’ power to look after Mary himself, so he delegated her care to someone he trusted implicitly.

Honouring our parents is about doing the best we can for them under the circumstances. Sometimes that might mean inviting them to live with us, in our home. Other times it will mean supporting them to live in their own home. Or, if they need a high level of support, it could mean visiting them regularly in an aged care facility. What is the best you can do by your parents?  

Thinking of difficult choices, how do you honour both parents when they are separated or divorced? How do share yourself around at Christmas? How do you navigate special occasions? How do provide care and support when your mum & dad won’t even talk to each other let alone live under the same roof?

How do you honour both parents if you are in a conversation with one parent who is saying not very nice things about the other?

Don’t buy into their narrative. Ask God to help you write a better narrative. Don’t submit to false guilt. You are not responsible for the choices your parents have made. At the end of the day you can only do what is in your power to do. You can’t be in two places at once. You can’t keep everyone happy all the time.

Do the best you can to honour both parents but make sure you leave room to honour yourself as well. Make sure you give yourself space to breathe.   

Some wounds are slow to heal. What do you do if your parents have hurt you? Perhaps your mum or dad were incompetent as parents. Maybe they were absent or neglectful or even abusive. Do you still need to honour them? The short answer is yes, but what that looks like might be different depending on the situation.

As Christians we are guided by the Spirit of Jesus, a Spirit of grace & truth. The truth is, no parent and no child is perfect so we need to have some measure of grace and not sweat the small stuff.

God is able to use the imperfection of your family for good. In fact, having a perfect upbringing isn’t that helpful in this life because it doesn’t prepare you for the world. The world we live in is not perfect. The world is not always easy or kind. Learning to relate with challenging people is a useful skill.

That being said, even grace has its limits. In extreme situations, where a parent has done serious harm and can no longer be trusted, it may be necessary to cut the relationship off for your own survival. This should not be done cynically or lightly. This is a weighty matter that requires deep wrestling in prayer.

In a situation like that, honour may take the form of asking God to forgive your parents so that you can both move on without doing further harm. Honour may also mean breaking the cycle of violence and getting help for yourself in order to learn a better way of relating to your own kids.    

Conclusion:

Remember, honour is about doing the right thing, the good thing, by your mum and dad. In the normal course of events, honour means being committed to make the relationship work well. And that involves staying in touch regularly.

It is significant that the last verse in the Old Testament speaks of God sending his prophet to restore the relationship between parents and children. Let it be the last word of this sermon too. From Malachi chapter 4 we read…

5 “See, I will send the prophet Elijah to you before that great and dreadful day of the Lord comes. 6 He will turn the hearts of the parents to their children, and the hearts of the children to their parents;

Questions for discussion or reflection:

What stands out for you in reading this Scripture and/or in listening to the sermon? Why do you think this stood out to you?

  • What does honour mean to you? What does honour (kabbed) mean in the context of Deuteronomy 5? Can you think of any examples of children honouring their parents in the Bible?
  • Why should we honour our parents?
  • How do you honour your parents and grandparents? What is the best you can do for your parents?
  • When must we obey our parents? When is it okay to not do what our parents ask?
  • How might someone honour a parent who has hurt them? 
  • What were/are your parents like? Can you think of something they did for you, when you were young, that was really helpful? If they are still alive could you ring them and thank them? If you can’t ring them, thank God for the good they did. 

[1] Refer Patrick Miller’s commentary on Deuteronomy, page 84. 

[2] Refer John Stott’s commentary on Ephesians, page 241.