Scripture: 1st Peter 3:1-7
Structure:
- Introduction
- Wives (beautiful submission)
- Husbands (knowledgeable respect)
- Conclusion
Introduction:
Good morning everyone.
Language has a strange way of evolving over time. What a word or phrase meant several centuries ago can be completely different in today’s usage.
Take the word ‘nice’, for example. In the 1300’s nice meant silly or foolish or ignorant. Then, by the 1500’s the word nice had evolved to mean meticulous, attentive or sharp. These days though the word nice just means agreeable or pleasant.
The word ‘meat’ has also changed. In old English meat described any kind of solid food (as opposed to drink) for humans or animals. So bread was meat, as were apples or hay. These days though meat has narrowed in its meaning to refer to the flesh of animals eaten by people. A piece of steak or a kranksy is meat.
Today we continue our series in 1st Peter, focusing on chapter 3, verses 1-7. Zooming out to look at the bigger picture, Peter is giving instructions on how Christians are to relate with those around them, in particular unbelievers.
In this morning’s passage, Peter addresses the relationship between wives and husbands, with a special shout out to those Christian wives who have non-Christian husbands.
Some of the words and phrases in this passage might make a 21st Century western audience cringe. Before we pass judgment on the political correctness of the language though, let’s remember that the nuance and meaning of words evolves over time. The way we hear this reading is quite different from way a first Century Middle Eastern audience would have heard it.
From 1st Peter, chapter 3, verses 1-7 we read…
Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbandsso that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won overwithout words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self,the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.
5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in Godused to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, 6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.
7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker vessel and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
May the Spirit of Jesus illuminate God’s word for us.
One of the things we notice with this reading is that Peter’s instruction to wives takes up six verses, whereas his instruction to husbands only takes one verse. Why do wives get so much more attention than husbands? Well, two reasons…
Firstly, women were among the most vulnerable and powerless in first century society. Peter is saying that his Christian readers (both male and female) were like women, socially speaking: they were relatively vulnerable and powerless. The instructions he gives to wives here contain principles which apply to all Christian believers regardless of their gender or marital status. So if you are single or a man you still need to pay attention to what Peter is saying to wives because it is relevant to you as well.
Secondly, Peter wants to affirm and empower Christian women. Peter wants his readers to understand and recognize the valuable role women have in witnessing for Christ and the gospel. Women are not just along for the ride.
If we were to sum up Peter’s instructions to wives (and by extension to all Christians) then it might be something like, practice beautiful submission.
Wives – beautiful submission:
Another word that has changed its meaning over time is the word ‘naughty’. For us today naughty means being a bit badly behaved, without being altogether evil. If someone eats a piece of chocolate when they shouldn’t or drinks an extra glass of wine, we say that was ‘naughty’.
But originally, being naughty had nothing to do with being badly behaved. Originally, being naughty was equated with being poor. The poor had naught (they had nothing) and so they were called naughty. This was not a comment on their character or behavior. It was simply a description of their socio-economic status.
This morning’s reading begins with Peter instructing wives to submit to their husbands. In today’s world, where such a high value is placed on personal freedom, the word submit sounds like a swear word. People generally prefer to resist or rebel or protest. The word submit is a bit like the word naughty in that it has changed significantly from its original meaning. So what Peter’s first century readers understood when they heard, ‘Wives, submit to your husbands’, was quite different from what we hear and understand.
We might hear: sexist, discrimination, inequality, male privilege, domestic violence, oppression and injustice. But Peter’s original audience would have heard things like: winsome, beautiful, gentle, character, courage, purity, reverence, peace and order in the home. I’m not making this up. It’s actually in the text.
To submit means to accept, or yield to, the will of another person. Obedience goes hand in hand with submission. When we submit to someone we put ourselves under that person’s authority. Submission does not diminish our worth or our value as human beings. It is simply a way of saying, ‘you first’.
There are basically two ways to submit to someone: either willingly and freely, or because you are forced to. Peter has just told his readers (in chapter 2) to submit freely to the government and to their masters. ‘In the same’ way wives are to submit to their husbands; that is, freely and not under duress.
In other words, don’t submit because you are forced to. Don’t submit because society expects you to. Don’t submit because you are afraid. Wives, you be empowered. You be in control of the choice to submit.
If my daughter asks me for a ride somewhere I submit to her request, not because I have to but because I want to. My taking her where she wants to go then becomes an act of love. It helps to reinforce the bond between us.
Likewise, if Robyn says, ‘Can you take the lid off this jar?’, I submit to her request because I want to. Obeying Robyn freely does not make me less in any way. Robyn is not oppressing me. If anything she is making me feel useful.
The submission Peter has in view here is freely given, it is not forced. It is an expression of love, which creates trust between people.
So, should wives always submit to their husbands then? Well, no. Wives should not blindly do whatever their husbands say. In verse six Peter tells wives to do what is right and not give way to fear. The kind of submission Peter is calling for requires discernment and courage. It is a righteous submission.
Our ultimate submission is to God. If your husband (or wife) wants you to do something that is clearly offensive to God, then you must give priority to what God wants. For example, if your husband wants to use you as a punching bag, then you do not have to submit to that.
In the first century Roman empire, wives were expected to adopt the religion of their husband. But some of the people Peter was writing to had pagan husbands. Peter is not saying wives should worship the gods of their pagan husband. No. They should not submit in that way. That would undermine their faith in Jesus.
To the contrary, Peter is saying: try to win your husband for Christ by being a winsome witness. Peter writes…
…submit yourselves to your husbandsso that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won overwithout words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.
The idea here is that submission provides a winsome witness. To be winsome is to be attractive or charming or appealing in a fresh and innocent way. Winsomeness is not loud or self-promoting. It is pure and authentic.
People can argue with what you say but they cannot argue with their experience of you. An unbelieving husband is likely to be alienated by a wife who harps on about Jesus all the time. But winsomeness speaks for itself without words.
The character Jane Bennet, in Jane Austin’s novel Pride and Prejudice, is the very picture of winsomeness. Unlike her youngest sister Lydia, Jane has a far more gentle and gracious way with people. When she is given the cold shoulder by Mr Bingley she does not think the worst of him. She graciously wishes him well in her heart and does not force the issue. And as we know, the story ends happily for Jane.
Or if you are familiar with the story of Beauty and the Beast, then we find an example of a winsome woman in the heroine of the story, Belle. Belle submits to the beast, without compromising her virtue, and her winsomeness breaks the spell so the beast is transformed back into a charming prince again.
St Augustine describes the winsome witness of his Christian mother, Monnica, to his pagan father Patricius:
She served her husband as her master and did all she could to win him for You (Lord), speaking to him of You by her conduct, by which you made her beautiful… Finally, when her husband was at the end of his earthly span, she gained him for You. [1]
A winsome wife supports her husband. She encourages him when he is down and guides him when he is lost. She is not high maintenance or always badgering with a list of demands. She does not scold him or complain about his faults to her friends. A winsome wife sees his faults and shows grace.
In verse 1, when Peter talks about husbands that do not believe the word, he means those who have not accepted the gospel about Jesus. The original Greek word translated as believe is more literally obey.[2] So the meaning is: ‘…if any of the husbands do not obey the gospel…’.
Belief and faith go hand in hand in a Christian understanding. One cannot claim to have faith in Christ without obedience to him.
It could be that some of the wives reading (or hearing) Peter’s letter had husbands who claimed to be Christian but actually did not obey the teaching of Jesus very well. They may have attended church services but then gone home and neglected the needs of their families. Maybe they spent their pay at the pub and didn’t put bread on the table for the kids.
In that situation Peter is asking the wives to show their husbands the way of the gospel, not with words, but by the example of their lifestyle; their purity and their reverence.
Being reverent means living in the conviction that the whole world is the temple of God and all life is lived in the presence of Christ. The wife’s reverence here is to be directed toward God, not her husband. Husbands are not in the place of God.
Purity is the natural companion to reverence for God. Purity has to do with willing one thing. Not chasing after other men or women or other gods. Staying faithful and true to your husband or wife and to Jesus. If you revere God, if you put God in the number one place in your life, you will live a pure life, a holy life, a clean life, a life of moral integrity.
The main point to get hold of here is that, for Peter and his first century readers, free submission was a beautiful thing. From verse 3 we read…
3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self,the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.
Peter is contrasting inward virtue with outward adornment. What really matters to God is the content of your character, not the cost of your clothes.
‘Pretty’ is another word that has changed over time. For us today pretty refers to someone or something that looks good or beautiful in a delicate kind of way. For us, prettiness is about outward appearances. We might say, for example, ‘That’s a pretty dress’.
Originally though pretty meant crafty or cunning. Being pretty, therefore, was not about the way someone looked on the outside. It had more to do with the way they thought on the inside. In the old sense of the word, a snake was pretty. You would never have said a dress was pretty because a dress was not capable of being crafty or cunning.
When Peter talks about beauty he does not mean pretty in either sense. True beauty is not an external style or look, nor is it about being cunning. The beauty Peter has in mind comes from the inside out. It is the beauty of a quiet and gentle spirit.
A person’s spirit refers to the way they relate with others. Spirit has to do with the character of relationship, or the quality of our connection with others.
Quiet does not mean silent or shy. It means calm, in control of yourself. If a quiet person does not speak much it is not because they are afraid or do not know what to say. It is because they are in control of their tongue. They think before they speak. Still waters run deep.
Likewise, gentleness does not mean being timid or weak. As we heard last Sunday, it takes great strength and self-control to be gentle. So to have a quiet and gentle spirit means to relate with others in a way that is calm and brings peace into that situation.
When an unbelieving husband sees his Christian wife managing the home and the kids in a way that is graceful and results in a calm harmonious environment he will (if he has half a clue) see the virtue in his wife’s Christian faith and get on board with it.
We should not think that quietness and gentleness are solely feminine qualities though. Jesus, who was a tradesman, a bloke, a carpenter, is described as having a quiet and gentle spirit. A bruised reed he will not break and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out, until he has brought justice to victory. [3]
Now, I’m conscious there is a women’s clothes swap coming up. (The timing of this sermon is purely coincidental.) When Peter says, your beauty should not come from outward adornment he is not saying women cannot take care of themselves.
Ladies, you do not have to go around dressed in hessian sacks. You can go to the hairdresser, you can put on a bit of lippy and you can wear jewelry. (Personally, I think hairdressers do a public service. They make people feel good about themselves.)
Peter is warning against spending excessive amounts on our outward appearance and from wearing clothing that is seductive. The clothes swap saves money and no men are allowed, so there is little chance of extravagance or seduction. Besides, the main purpose of the clothes swap is to get people together socially; to build relationship. So you don’t have to feel guilty about going to the clothes swap.
In thinking of the cultural context, Karen Jobes makes the observation that Peter’s instruction against extravagant outward adornment makes sense.[4] Women in that culture did not leave the home very much.
If a Christian wife left the house to go to church, all dolled up, people in the first century would think she was off to see her fancy man; that she was having an affair. Which would obviously bring shame on her husband and on Christ. Not very winsome. But by going out in public unadorned, her purity of purpose, her reverence for God and her intent to attend worship would be more clear.
In verse 5 Peter refers to the women of the Old Testament, holding them up as an example of what it means for wives to submit to their husbands. He says these women put their hope in God. Hope is about the future. Physical beauty has no future; it fades and so you don’t want to put your hope in that. We are to put our hope in God because he alone has the power to make our character beautiful and a beautiful character is eternal.
In verse 6 Peter pays special tribute to Sarah who obeyed Abraham and called him master. The example of Sarah & Abraham is interesting. The submission in their marriage went both ways; it was mutual submission. Yes, Sarah did submit to what Abraham asked, even when it was risky for her to do so. She did after all follow Abraham into the unknown. But Abraham also submitted to Sarah’s wishes on more than one occasion.
In particular, I’m thinking of Genesis 16 when Sarah, who was unable to have children herself, asked Abraham to consider a surrogacy arrangement with Hagar. Abraham agreed even though it was probably a bit awkward for him.
The point is: the ideal in Christian marriage is not a hierarchy with the husband at the top issuing orders and the wife underneath obeying his every command. No. The ideal is a genuine partnership where husband and wife are on the same footing, alongside each other, giving space to really listen to one another. If both partners in a marriage are believers, then they should seek God’s will together and submit to that.
Of course, Peter is addressing situations that are not ideal. In his cultural context marriage was a top down hierarchy. If the man was not a believer, the next best thing was for the wife to freely submit to her husband for the sake of Jesus’ reputation and her husband’s salvation.
Having spent some time describing what beautiful submission looks like, in marriage, Peter then instructs men in how to relate with women – that is with knowledge and respect.
Husband – knowledgeable respect:
I remember browsing through a bookshop one holidays and coming across a paperback with the title, ‘What men know about Women’. It was quite a thick book. I had not been married long at that point and thought, this is interesting, I might learn something. So I opened it up and flicked through the pages. There wasn’t one word written in the whole book. (The message was: men don’t know anything about women. Not very winsome if you ask me.)
In verse 7 we read: Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker vessel and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
The word translated as considerate is more literally knowledgeable. So it carries the sense of Husbands, be knowledgeable (or show understanding) as you live with your wives.
I’m not sure that a man can ever fully understand a woman but he can listen and learn. The message here guys is pay attention to your wives. Think about what her needs are. Do not neglect your wife. Do not take her for granted.
If she has been at home all day looking after the kids then she is probably going to need some time with you in the evening, some adult conversation. If this is what she needs, give her a break. You put the kids to bed, you do the dishes. Then switch off the TV and give her your full attention.
Or, if she has been at work all day and comes home exhausted, she might just want some peace and quiet. Show her some understanding. You could offer to cook the dinner while she has a soak in the bath to relax.
But the knowledge in view here is not just the husband’s knowledge of the wife. It is also the husband’s knowledge of what God requires. We take care of our wives because we know that pleases God.
Peter tells husbands to treat their wives with respect. That word ‘respect’ is literally precious in the original Greek. It is the same word used of Jesus in chapter 2:6-7, where it talks about Christ being the precious cornerstone. So husbands are to treat their wives as precious, as highly valuable.
One of the main ways a man respects a woman and treats her as precious is by submitting to her ‘no’. If a woman says no, then we men need to respect that. No means no. We don’t cross that line.
Peter says men should respect their wives because they are the weaker vessel, which in our culture sounds a bit offensive. But actually it’s not.
By calling women the weaker vessel Peter means women do not have the same physical strength as men. It’s not that women are physically weaker in every respect. It takes quite a bit of strength to give birth, for example. Not only that but women tend to live longer than men and often have a higher pain threshold. But when it comes to lifting heavy objects and opening jars, men usually have the advantage.
The main point Peter is getting at here is that it is not okay for a man to use his physical strength against his wife. Hitting women is prohibited. We today are quick to agree with Peter but, in the first century, men thought it was acceptable to hit their wives. They thought it was their right in fact. Peter is standing up against his culture and saying, that’s not who we are in Christ. You cannot hit your wife and then expect God to answer your prayers. It does not work like that.
In verse 7 Peter says that women are heirs with you [men] of the gracious gift of life. This means women of Christian faith stand to inherit eternal life, so they have equal standing, with men, before God. The message is clear: Husbands, treat your wife with knowledgeable respect for she is your equal.
Conclusion:
Christian marriage is not a hierarchy with the husband at the top issuing orders and the wife underneath obeying his every command. No. The ideal is a genuine partnership where husband and wife are on the same footing, alongside each other, giving space to really listen to God and one another.
Grace and peace be yours in abundance.
Questions for discussion or reflection:
What stands out for you in reading this Scripture and/or in listening to the sermon? Why do you think this stood out to you?
- Why does Peter give six verses of instruction for wives and only one verse for husbands?
- How do Peter’s instructions to wives apply to all believers, irrespective of gender or marital status?
- How do you feel about the word submission? Is this a swear word or a beautiful word for you? How would Peter’s first century readers have felt about the word submission?
- What does it mean to have a quiet and gentle spirit? Can you think of examples of Jesus’ quiet and gentle spirit in the gospels?
- Why do you think Peter warned against elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes?
- How should Christian husbands treat their wives? Think of some practical examples.
- Thinking of the wider canon of Scripture, what is the ideal for Christian marriage?
[1] Quoted in Edmund Clowney’s commentary on 1st Peter, page 130.
[2] Refer Thomas Schreiner’s commentary on 1st Peter, page 149.
[3] Matthew 12:20
[4] Refer Karen Jobes’ commentary on 1st Peter, page 205.
Tawa Baptist 