Scripture: 1 Thessalonians 2:7-12
Video Link: https://youtu.be/-WsJU41EXAg
Structure:
- Introduction
- Paul’s love
- Paul’s model
- Paul’s coaching
- Conclusion
Introduction:
Good morning everyone.
Today is Father’s Day. You might wonder when and where Father’s Day originated. Well, it depends on what part of the world you come from.
The Eastern Orthodox church has been celebrating Father’s Day for centuries. However, in their tradition it is not a celebration of your own dad. It is called Sunday of the Forefathers and commemorates the ancestors of Christ, listed in Jesus’ genealogy near the beginning of Matthew and Luke’s gospels.
In the Catholic countries of Europe, Father’s Day has been celebrated since the 1500’s. Although again, it’s different from the way we celebrate Father’s Day. The focus is on Joseph, the step-father of Jesus.
Our modern version of Father’s Day, which is about honouring our own dads, comes from a movement among Christian women in early 20th Century America.
Saint Matthews Church in Auckland first celebrated Father’s Day, as we know it, in 1929. By the early 1930’s other kiwi churches began adopting it as well.
People these days have mixed feelings about Father’s Day. For some it is a day of joy and coming together as a family. For others it is a day of sadness or regret, perhaps a day to avoid coming to church.
Our reading this morning comes from First Thessalonians chapter 2, verses 7-12. In this passage, the apostle Paul describes his parenting style. From First Thessalonians 2, verse 7, we read…
7 … Just as a nursing mother cares for her children, 8 so we cared for you. Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well. 9 Surely you remember, brothers and sisters, our toil and hardship; we worked night and day in order not to be a burden to anyone while we preached the gospel of God to you. 10 You are witnesses, and so is God, of how holy, righteous and blameless we were among you who believed. 11 For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, 12 encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory.
May the Spirit of Jesus illuminate God’s word for us.
As I said earlier, in this reading Paul describes his parenting style. But before we get into the detail, I need to clarify; there is more than one way to be a parent.
The weight of Biblical and historical evidence strongly suggests the apostle Paul did not have a wife or biological children. Paul chose singleness as this freed him to do the work of an apostle. Although Paul did not have children of his own, he was a spiritual parent to many.
In First Thessalonians chapter 2, Paul is not giving advice to parents specifically, although what he writes here is helpful to parents. Rather, Paul is describing how he was a like a mother and a father, in a spiritual sense, to the new believers in Thessalonica.
There is more than one way to be a parent. Like Paul, you may not have children of your own, but if you provide pastoral care for others, then you are a spiritual parent to those you care for.
Maybe you serve as a leader in kids’ church or youth group or run a Bible study, or otherwise support, nurture, feed and protect someone in their faith. This sermon is for you, as much as it is for mums and dads with young children at home.
Three verbs to describe Paul’s parenting style: love, model and coach.
Paul loved the Thessalonians. He modelled a good example for them. And Paul coached the Thessalonians in the Christian faith. Let us begin with love, because that is a very good place to start.
Paul’s love:
The Sound of Music tells the story of a young woman, Maria, who is sent to be a nanny for seven children who have lost their mother.
The children’s father, Captain Von Trapp, is a retired naval officer and a strict disciplinarian. He controls his children with a whistle. Since loosing his wife, the captain has become distant and cold. Fraulein Maria is quite the opposite.
She is kind and warm, fun but also firm.
One of my favourite scenes in the movie is when Fraulein Maria has a stand-up argument with Captain Von Trapp in which she tells him off for being such a grump. Maria says to the captain…
Maria: Children can’t do all the things they’re supposed to if they have to worry about spoiling their precious clothes.
Captain: They haven’t complained yet.
Maria: Well, they wouldn’t dare! They love you too much. They fear you too much!
Captain: I don’t wish you to discuss my children in this manner.
Maria: Well, you’ve got to hear from someone! You’re never home long enough to know them.
Captain: I said I don’t want to hear anymore from you about my children!
Maria: I know you don’t, but you’ve got to! …Friedrich, he’s a boy, but he wants to be a man and there’s no one to show him how.
Captain: Don’t you dare tell me about my son.
Maria: Brigitta could tell you about him if you let her get close to you. She notices everything… And Kurt pretends he’s tough not to show how hurt he is when you brush him aside, the way you do all of them… and the little ones just want to be loved. Oh, please, Captain, love them! Love them all!
Eventually, Captain Von Trapp comes round to seeing it Maria’s way. Through love and music, something inside the captain is healed and the father is restored to his children once more.
In verse 7 Paul describes his way of relating with the Thessalonians. Paul is much like Fraulein Maria. Paul says: Just as a nursing mother cares for her children, 8 so we cared for you. Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well.
There is a real tenderness in Paul’s words here. The Thessalonian believers were brand new Christians, toddlers in the faith. Paul, Silas and Timothy cared for their spiritual needs like a mother nursing young children.
One of the characteristics of a true parent is that they know their children and the child knows them as well. Personal knowledge goes hand in hand with love. One of Fraulein Maria’s points was that Captain Von Trapp did not know his children and they did not know him. There was a distance between them.
This was not the case with Paul, for he not only shared the gospel with the Thessalonians; he shared his very life with them. They knew him as a real person and he knew them as a mother knows her children.
Love, in a Christian understanding, is a commitment to another person’s wellbeing. Love is not out for what it can get. Love wants to give.
In verse 9 we see the evidence of Paul’s love. Paul, Silas and Timothy worked night and day to support themselves in order not to be a burden to anyone while they preached the gospel to the Thessalonians. Paul’s love was the real deal.
We are talking about Paul’s parenting. Paul loves the Thessalonians like a mother and one of the ways he expresses that love is by modelling a good example for them.
Paul’s model:
Years ago, before we had children, Robyn and I had a dog, a little Jack Russell we called Chip. He was a good-natured dog, full of beans.
Chip had been abused as a pup by his previous owners and consequently would hide under the house if he could, whether he was in trouble or not. Although we were quite soft with Chip, his first owners had left an impression of fear on him by the way they had behaved.
I remember one sweltering hot summers day in Papamoa, when a swarm of flies came into the house. I rolled up a newspaper and went around swatting the insects. After a few minutes, we noticed Chip was cowering under a chair.
The poor little dog was trembling all over, scared out of his wits.
I had never used a newspaper on Chip, but we guessed his original owner had. Swatting the flies seemed to trigger Chip’s PTSD. I quickly stopped my fly killing spree and gave Chip a cuddle to calm him down and show I wasn’t angry.
The model Chip had been given, as a young pup, was one of cruelty and anger. Consequently, he lived in fear and interpreted otherwise benign actions as a threat.
People and dogs are similar in that both are shaped by the example they are exposed to. If a child is given the model of fairness, consistency and kindness, they will learn to feel secure and be more likely to make better choices in life.
But if a child is treated like Chip was as a puppy, well they need to be shown a better model.
In verse 10 of Thessalonians 2, Paul writes: You are witnesses, and so is God, of how holy, righteous and blameless we were among you who believed.
Paul is talking here about the example he modelled for the Thessalonians.
Holiness is about being whole, being one, having integrity, being the same on the inside as you are on the outside. Righteousness is about relating to other people in a right way and being blameless is about doing no harm.
The three go together. They speak of treating God and the people around you with fairness and respect. Paul provided a good model for the Thessalonians in the way he lived his life and related with others.
Paul’s model, his regular pattern of behaviour, created a pathway for the young Thessalonian believers to follow. They learned how to be Christians by imitating Paul.
So, when Paul was abused or treated unfairly because of his testimony for Christ, they learned how a Christian responds in a situation like that, by observing Paul’s example. Paul did not retaliate with violence. But he did defend himself with words of grace and truth.
The question for us is this: What are others learning about Jesus from our example? Are they learning Jesus is someone to be trusted? Or are they put off by our example?
This question applies whether we have children of our own or not.
If you are a leader in kids’ church or youth group, know that the children and young people you work with are watching your example and learning from you. Some will be leaders themselves in another 5 or 10 years.
For those of you who are a bit older and maybe have less energy to serve in programmes these days, let me ask: what are those in their 30’s or 40’s or 50’s learning about Jesus from the way you live your life and relate with others?
The older people in our congregation model a wonderful example of what it looks like to provide pastoral care and support for one another. You check in on your neighbours, your church attendance is great, you have lunch together regularly and you pray for others.
We are talking about what it means to parent well, whether you have kids of your own or not. Paul loved the Thessalonians. He modelled a good example for them and Paul coached them.
Paul’s coaching:
Being a father is a bit like being a coach. The coach does not do everything for his players. He teaches them to do things for themselves. After all, the coach cannot be on the field with the players. He can only watch and cheer from the side lines.
Like a coach, a father believes in his children. You show your kids you believe in them by trusting them with responsibility; this builds confidence. Giving kids responsibility is a bit like adding salt to food. Too much and you ruin the meal. Too little and the meal lacks taste. A father’s trust ought to bring out the best in his kids.
One of the most important roles of a father is to be there for their children, in a good way, to remind them they are not alone. Like a coach, a father comes alongside his kids when he is needed, to lend strength and understanding.
Or simply to share the experience.
The right kind of fatherly presence is like being handed a torch when you are lost and in the dark. It is light for your mind.
The right kind of fatherly presence is like coming inside to sit by a fireplace when you have been outside in the freezing cold. It is warmth for your spirit.
The right kind of fatherly presence is like being served your favourite home cooked meal when you are famished. It is nourishment for your soul.
The right kind of fatherly presence is like crawling into a freshly made bed at the end of the day when you are exhausted. It is rest for your whole being.
Who is there for you, when you need it? Who can you be there for?
From verse 11 Paul says: For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children,
Notice here that Paul dealt with each of the Thessalonians personally.
Paul came alongside them and got to know each one in a fatherly way.
How do fathers come alongside their children? How do they get to know them? By playing with them of course. The father / child relationship is not a formal relationship. It is a fun relationship. The father / child relationship is not an awkward or cold relationship. It is an affectionate, warm relationship.
By the same token, the father / child relationship is not a permissive relationship, in which the child can do whatever they want. It is a safe relationship, in which the father protects the child by putting reasonable boundaries in place.
The next thing we notice (in verse 12) is the three verbs Paul uses to characterise the way in which he relates as a spiritual father to his Thessalonian children: encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God…
There’s quite a bit of overlap with encouraging, comforting and urging.
They are not three separate things. They offer three lenses on the same thing.
Encouraging, comforting and urging are done by teaching, believing in and being there.
To encourage literally means to put courage into someone. Children need courage to face the world; they don’t need fear. We put courage into children by speaking good words into their life and soul.
We also put courage into children by believing in them; trusting them with an appropriate amount of responsibility (when they are ready for it) and rewarding them when they do well.
Children need comfort from their fathers too. Comfort is not about spoiling your kids. Comfort is about showing kindness and tenderness, especially when a child has gone through a hard time. We comfort children by being there for them, being reliable. This makes our kids feel less alone, more brave.
Setting reasonable boundaries also creates a sense of security and comfort.
Last Friday’s Our Daily Bread devotional talked about boundaries. Elisa Morgan writes…
“A team of landscape architects studied the effects of providing fencing around a preschool playground. On playgrounds without fences, children tended to gather close to the school buildings and their teacher and didn’t stray away. But on fenced-in playgrounds, they enjoyed the entire area. The researchers concluded that boundaries can create a greater sense of freedom.”
Urging is about pointing children in the right direction, teaching them to find the right path for themselves. Urging is quite different from controlling or forcing or driving. Urging is about providing internal motivation to achieve a particular goal.
One of the best ways to urge children in the right direction is to tell them stories. Stories of redemption and hope. Stories where the hero wins against the odds. Stories that motivate the child to live the values of God’s kingdom. Gospel stories.
The main goal with all of this is to live lives worthy of God. In other words, practice justice, mercy and humility. Practice living now how you will one day live when God’s kingdom is realised in its fullness.
Conclusion:
Whether you have natural children of your own or not, you can still be a parent to others in the faith by loving them, modelling a good example and coming alongside to provide comfort and encouragement.
Let us pray…
Father God, we thank you for loving us. Lord Jesus, we thank you for modelling the best example for us. And Holy Spirit, we thank you for coaching us to live lives worthy of God. Amen.
Questions for discussion or reflection:
- What stands out for you in reading this Scripture and/or in listening to the sermon? Why do you think this stood out to you?
- Discuss reflect on the various ways one can be a parent. In what ways have you been a parent to others?
- What might love look like in a parenting relationship?
- Why is the example we model for others important? What example did Paul model for the believers in Thessalonica? What are others learning about Jesus from your example?
- How might we come alongside someone and get to know them?
- In the context of 1 Thessalonians 2, what does it mean to encourage, comfort and urge others in the Christian faith? How might we do this?
- Who has God used to encourage, comfort and urge you? Give thanks for them. Who can you encourage, comfort and urge to live a life worthy of God?
Tawa Baptist 