Tawa Baptist

Singleness & Marriage

Scripture: 1 Corinthians 7:1-7 and Matthew 19:10-12

Video Link: https://youtu.be/56rXw4c8vso

Audio Link: Stream Sermon – 23 Nov 2025 – Singleness & Marriage by tawabaptist | Listen online for free on SoundCloud

Structure:

  • Introduction
  • Paul on singleness and marriage – 1 Corinthians 7:1-7
  • Jesus on singleness – Matthew 19:10-12
  • Conclusion

Introduction:

Good morning everyone.

There was a documentary series on TV recently called, ‘Counting the Beat’.

The show explored some of New Zealand’s statistics. In the first episode they said 48% of kiwis are single. Which means 52% are in some kind of relationship, whether that be marriage or a de-facto relationship or simply going steady.

Looking at our church statistics, about one third of the adults who regularly attend Sunday services at Tawa Baptist are single. Which means the proportion of married couples in the church is higher than the general population.

People may be single for a variety of different reasons. Some choose to be single and prefer it that way. Others may wish to be in a relationship but for whatever reason have not been able to find the right person yet. And still others have been married before but are now divorced or widowed or abandoned by their spouse.   

Today we continue our series on spiritual gifts. We have had four Sundays off with video sermons while I was away. Prior to that, we heard about the gifts of knowledge and wisdom, prophecy and discernment, faith, healing, and miraculous powers, as well as tongues and their interpretation.

Paul on singleness and marriage – 1 Corinthians 7:1-7

This morning though, we focus on the gifts of singleness and marriage. Let us begin then with a reading from First Corinthians 7…

Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry.

2 But since there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfil his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.

5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7 I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.

May the Spirit of Jesus illuminate God’s word for us.

In this sermon series we are learning about the gifts God gives. When talking about gifts we need to be clear on the meaning of the word. A gift is something offered willingly, without duress or payment.

A gift is not the fulfilment of an obligation, nor is it an entitlement. Freedom and love are at the heart of true gift giving. A gift may come easily enough, but taking care of the gift often involves some effort on the part of the receiver.   

In Corinthians 7 Paul talks about singleness and marriage as good gifts from God. This means that marriage and singleness are not entitlements. They are not things we necessarily have a right to. They are gifts to be received, treasured and looked after.

Some are given the gift of marriage and with it the gift of sex with their partner in marriage. While others are given the gift of singleness and with it the gift of freedom to spend more time with and for the Lord.

We cannot be sure, but it appears from what Paul was writing that some in the Corinthian church were advocating celibacy within marriage. Celibacy is the state of abstaining from sexual relations. Perhaps these advocates of celibacy thought it was more ‘spiritual’ or ‘holy’ not to have sex.

But Paul warns against this, saying those who are married should not try to be celibate. Abstaining from sex with your partner in marriage makes you more vulnerable to temptation.

According to the documentary ‘Counting the Beat’, 1 in 4 kiwis cheat on their partner. This seems quite high to me. According to Paul, one of the best things you can do to prevent cheating is maintain a healthy sex life with your spouse.

Sex within marriage is God’s intention for humankind. Sex within marriage is something to be enjoyed, not just for the sake of having children but also for mutual pleasure and the wellbeing of the marriage relationship.

Before I got married, I thought sex was like the icing on the cake of marriage. But after I got married, I realised that sex is not the icing. You can eat cake without icing. Sex within marriage is more basic, more essential than icing.

Sex is like the egg in the mixture of the cake of marriage. Sex is a binding agent. It is not the only binding agent, but it is pretty important. At its best, sex within marriage is an expression of intimacy, it becomes a sacrament, something physical which creates a spiritual connection.

As important as sex is, in a marriage relationship, it is not everything. You need more than eggs to make a cake. There will inevitably be times in a marriage when you need to go without sex. And, as you grow older, sex will likely become less important.   

Keep in mind the four C’s of marriage: Commitment, Communication, Companionship and Christ. A married couple need to be 100% committed to each other’s wellbeing, through thick and thin.

They need to have good communication. That means listening well to each other and speaking kindly. Not sweeping problems under the carpet, but talking honestly and graciously, seeking understanding.

Companionship is about spending time together, enjoying each other’s company. Eating and working and resting together.

Including Christ in your marriage is vitally important. Love each other as Christ loves the church. Pray together. Think of your marriage as part of your discipleship. Marriage is one way we learn to be more like Jesus.

Okay, if marriage is a good gift from God, why does Paul say in verse 1 of First Corinthians 7, It is good for a man not to marry and then in verse 7, I wish that all of you were as I am, (that is: single and celibate)?

What Paul has in mind here is the kingdom of God. Paul was an apostle of Jesus. As an apostle for Christ he travelled a great deal, preaching the gospel. This often resulted in him being persecuted. If Paul was married, he would not be free to do the work of an apostle. He would be torn between his duty to his wife and his duty to Christ.

Being single and celibate gives one a certain freedom that being married does not allow. It would not be fair for Paul to take a wife and then essentially abandon her in the name of Jesus.

This is not to say that one must be single to engage in fulltime Christian ministry. Married couples can and do serve the Lord in a variety of ways.

But where someone is required to travel a lot or where they may be subject to persecution and abuse, it is less painful and more practical to be single.

As someone who is married and in fulltime Christian ministry I would say there are pros and cons. On the plus side, marriage enriches pastoral ministry. Marriage provides me with an understanding of what it is to a husband and a father. I walk in your shoes.

Robyn provides me with balance and perspective. Her kindness softens me. What’s more, I am a practical help to Robyn in her ministry as a teacher. There are things Robyn can do that I can’t and things I can do which she can’t. We support each other.

That said, pastoral ministry is no friend to marriage. I am not persecuted and I don’t have to travel much, but church ministry places a strain on marriage. Pastors and their spouses face pressures that most other people don’t. There are pros and cons with everything.  

For Paul to name singleness as a good gift of God was no small thing. In the Jewish culture of the first century, being single put you on the outer. The ideal for first century Jews was marriage. Embedded in the Jewish psyche was this idea that faithfulness to God included getting married and having kids. The more the merrier. Go forth and multiply.

Even today, in some quarters of 21st century New Zealand society, people who are single might feel like they are on the outer, like they don’t quite fit.

But Paul is not having any of that. Being single is not bad. In a Christian understanding being single is equal in status with marriage. Your value as a human being does not depend on whether or not you have a partner. You can still fulfil God’s purpose for your life as a single person, in fact you may have more freedom to fulfil God’s purpose if you are single.

The Old Testament prophet Jeremiah was called to singleness. In Jeremiah 16 we read how God told Jeremiah not to get married or have children because the city of Jerusalem (where Jeremiah lived) was soon to be destroyed and most of its inhabitants killed.

For Jeremiah to get married and start a family would be a contradiction of his message of impending doom. It would also create unnecessary suffering for himself and his would-be family.    

Jesus on singleness – Matthew 19:10-12

In many ways, Jeremiah points to Jesus, the Christ. Like Jeremiah, Jesus had a special calling on his life, a calling that required him to be single and celibate. Jesus was called by God to die on a cross as an atoning sacrifice for the sins of the world.

In Matthew 19, Jesus talks about singleness. Paul’s words about singleness, in Corinthains 7, draw their inspiration from Jesus’ words in Matthew 19. From verse 10 we read…

10 The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”

11 Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. 12 For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”

In the context of Matthew 19, Jesus had been talking about marriage and divorce. This caused the disciples to make the wry comment that it is better not to marry. In other words, it is better to remain single.

In response, Jesus goes on to talk about the reality of singleness. In effect, Jesus is saying, ‘You joke, but being single is not easy. Singleness is not for everyone. But the one who can accept the gift of singleness should accept it.’      

In verse 12 Jesus uses the analogy of the eunuch as a way of addressing the topic of singleness. A literal eunuch is a man who has been castrated.

In ancient times some slaves were castrated and put to work guarding women’s living areas or serving in some other capacity in the royal court. Some of you heard about the Ethiopian eunuch last week.

Due to the loss of his genitals a eunuch had no choice but to be single.

He could not function sexually as a husband.

Jesus explains that some people are born eunuchs. In other words, some are born to be single. Through no fault or choice of their own they will never be able to marry. We might think of someone born with a disability that makes marriage untenable for them.

Then there are those who are made eunuchs by others. These are people who suffer some misfortune with the effect they are not able to marry. We might think of someone who sustains permanent injuries in a car accident or someone who was so badly abused as a child they cannot stand to be touched as an adult much less function in a marriage relationship.  

Like those who are born to singleness, there is no blame or shame attached. Tragedy, yes. Loneliness, most likely. But no guilt. Jesus is all compassion here.    

The Lord then introduces a third reason for being single, saying: and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven.

Said another way, there are those who choose to be single for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. People like the apostle Paul, for example. People like the prophet Jeremiah. People like Jesus.

Paul, Jeremiah and Jesus did not literally castrate themselves, but they did make a conscious choice not to marry for the sake of God’s purpose. Please do not mutilate yourself. Jesus is not talking literally here.  

Jesus could have married anyone he wanted. He could have had a harem with a thousand women in it, like king Solomon. But he chose to be single, for our sake and for the sake of the kingdom of God.

Jesus stood in solidarity with eunuchs, with those who are single. Do you understand what that means?

It means if you are single, for whatever reason, then Jesus, the Son of God, stands with you. He identifies with you. You have dignity. You are not alone.        

In verses 11 and 12 of Matthew 19, Jesus frames his comments about singleness by saying: “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given.” And, “The one who can accept this should accept it.”

The point here is the same as the point Paul makes in Corinthians 7. Singleness is not for everyone. The ability to accept a single life is a gift of God. However, the gift of singleness does not automatically imply an easy celibacy.

In the same way that being married does not make one immune from developing feelings for someone else, so too the gift of being single does not make one immune from sexual temptation.

The famous 20 Century preacher, John Stott, never married. He had no children and remained celibate his whole life. Stott once wrote: “The gift of singleness is more a vocation than an empowerment, although to be sure God is faithful in supporting those he calls.”

In other words, like any of God’s gifts, singleness requires discipline and self-control. It involves some effort to take care of the gift God has given you.

Taking care of the gift of singleness will probably mean being intentional about developing healthy friendships with a variety of people. You cannot afford to be become too isolated. It will also usually involve avoiding situations that might strain the limits of your resolve to remain celibate.

Apparently, Stott wanted to be married, but the right person never came along. He almost got engaged once but came to feel that it was not God’s calling for them to get married.

Stott never idealized celibacy. He encouraged young people to marry if they found the right person and on at least one occasion discouraged a man from following his example of singleness.

In Genesis 2, God said, ‘It is not good for man to be alone’. In relation to this verse, we need to say that being single does not necessarily mean being alone. Jeremiah was single but he maintained some good friendships with people who supported him and got him out of a spot of bother on more than one occasion.

Jesus was single and he too developed friendships, with his twelve disciples yes, but also with others like Mary and Martha and Lazarus. Likewise, the apostle Paul was single, but he did not operate like a lone ranger. Paul relied greatly on his friends, people like Timothy and Titus and Silas.

Paul’s friendship with a married couple, Priscilla and Aquila, is instructive.

Like Paul, Priscilla and Aquila were tent makers by trade. They were among the Jews expelled from Rome by the Emperor Claudius around AD 49.

After their expulsion, Priscilla and Aquila went to live in Corinth where they met Paul. Paul stayed with Priscilla and Aquila for about a year and a half.

Later they accompanied Paul to Syria before stopping in Ephesus.       

Paul mentions Priscilla and Aquila in some of his letters to the churches. The three of them together provide a model of friendship and shared hospitality between those with the gift of marriage and those with the gift of singleness.

A rope of three strands is not easily broken.

Conclusion

So how might you know whether you have the gift of singleness or the gift of marriage? The ancient Greek philosopher Socrates famously said, ‘Know thyself’. Unfortunately, the way most of us come to know ourselves is the hard way, through trial and error. Perhaps there is no other way.

Fortunately, God is wise and gracious, able to work our choices for good.

Let us pray…

Gracious God, we thank you for the different ways you have gifted each of us. We ask your blessing on our relationships together. Whether we be married or single, make us fruitful for your glory. Through Jesus we pray. Amen.

Questions for discussion or reflection:

  1. What stands out for you in reading these Scriptures and/or in listening to the sermon? Why do you think this stood out to you?
  2. What is your experience of singleness? What is your experience of marriage?
  3. Why is sex important in marriage? Why is celibacy important in singleness?
  4. Discuss / reflect on the four C’s of marriage: commitment, communication, companionship and Christ. How might a married couple apply these four C’s in their marriage relationship?
  5. Why does Paul say in verse 1 of First Corinthians 7, It is good for a man not to marry and then in verse 7, I wish that all of you were as I am, (that is: single and celibate)? What are the benefits of being single? What are the challenges? 
  6. Discuss / reflect on Jesus’ words about singleness in Matthew 19:10-12. What strikes you as significant or meaningful here? Who are the (metaphorical) eunuchs of today?
  7. How might those who are single guard against loneliness and sexual temptation? How might those who are married offer hospitality and friendship to those who are single?