Tawa Baptist

Mind That Child

Scripture: Proverbs 22:6 and Proverbs 13:24 and Matthew 18:3-6

Video Link: https://youtu.be/qaaKStX-yjU

Structure:

  • Introduction
  • Train your child
  • Protect your child
  • Trust your child to God
  • Conclusion

Introduction:

Good morning everyone.

When I was five, and about to start school, my parents taught me how to tie my shoelaces. For some reason the method I learned was different from the way most other people tied their shoes.

There’s nothing wrong with the method I learned. It has worked for me as long as I’ve been wearing shoes, but I still get the occasional comment from people along the lines of, ‘Gee you tie your shoes in a weird way.’

Some years ago, I asked Robyn to show me the normal way of tying shoes, but it was too late. I had been tying my laces my own unique way for so long I couldn’t unlearn it. Can’t teach an old dog new tricks I suppose.  

Earlier in the service we had a graduation ceremony for the children moving up a level in Kids’ Church.

With this in view it seems appropriate to conclude our series in the book of Proverbs by focusing on chapter 22, verse 6, which reads…

Train a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not turn from it.

May the Spirit of Jesus illuminate God’s word for us. 

Train your child:

Although this translation uses the masculine pronoun ‘he’, the principle is the same whatever the gender of the child. Train a child in the way he or she should go and when they are old, they will not turn from it.

Now, when we read this verse we might think, ‘Oh, that’s straight forward enough. If I teach my kids the right way to do something, then that will become the pattern or default setting for their life. They will get in the habit of doing things the way they were taught and find it very difficult to change’. Sort of like me and my laces. 

There’s nothing wrong with reading the verse in this way, but really there’s more to it than that. Something is lost in the English version.

The original Hebrew word translated as train, doesn’t just mean teach or instruct. It can also be translated as dedicate. As in dedicating a temple to the worship of God. Or dedicating a house to use as your family home.

When you dedicate something, you set it aside for a special purpose, you bless it. In the context of the book of Proverbs, parents are to dedicate or train their children to live a life of wisdom.     

When you walk into the train station in Wellington city you notice several different tracks. At first glance all the tracks appear to be headed in the same direction. But they are not of course.

Each track is dedicated or trained to a specific location. If you want to end up in Tawa or Porirua, then you must be careful not to get on the Hutt line. You need to get on the Waikanae line.

Training your child is like putting them on the right track. That is, the pathway that is dedicated to wisdom and leads to life.   

As I said before, earlier in our service of worship today we held a graduation ceremony for the children moving up a level in Kids’ Church. It is important to mark transitions and special occasions with a formal ceremony like this because it validates the child’s journey. It says, you are on the right track, keep going.

The graduation ceremony is a tangible, visible way of dedicating our children to a particular path of wisdom. It’s a way of publicly acknowledging the importance of learning about Jesus and how to relate with God through Christ. 

In Proverbs 22, verse 6, where it says, train a child in the way he (or she) should go…’ that literally translates, ‘train him according to his way…’

In other words, the way is specific to the child. There is no universal, cookie cutter, one size fits all approach for training a child to be wise. Each child is different and needs a different approach suited to the way they are wired.      

This means parents and grandparents need to seek to understand their children and respect each child’s individual personality, gifts and way of learning. 

When one of our daughters was still at school and wondering what she might do for a job, we took her along to see a careers advisor. The careers advisor suggested a job in agriculture.

I looked at Robyn in disbelief. I couldn’t decide whether the careers advisor was trying to be funny or was just really bad at her job.

There is nothing wrong with being a farmer, it’s good honest productive work. Likewise, there is nothing wrong with women being farmers.

But it was plain to me that putting up fences and shearing sheep was not going to come naturally to our daughter. Sending her to Lincoln to get a diploma in agriculture and work on a farm would have been the wrong path for her.

The point here is that when training children in the way they should go, parents need to go with the grain of their child. If your child is not good with animals but is good with children, then don’t encourage them into farming. Help them explore options that involve working with kids.

Likewise, if your child is not academic but is good with their hands, then don’t force them down the path of university. Help them find their way into a trade.

Of course, training a child in the way they should go is not limited to career advice. Training a child also has a moral aspect as well. We don’t just want our kids to be good at their jobs. We want them to become decent human beings who contribute positively to society.   

Character formation tends to be more caught than taught. Generally speaking, children often learn more from their parents’ example than anything their parents might say. Words are still important, but actions speak louder.

All my parents and grandparents had a strong work ethic. I learned how to work by being immersed in a family that worked all the time. We were always doing something productive. This was good up to a point, but we may have benefited from learning to take a Sabbath as well.

What rhythms and routines do you maintain as a family? Children pick up a great deal unconsciously from the regular daily and weekly patterns their parents set.

Some of you may be wondering about the discipline aspect of training children. Sometimes kids are delightful and a joy to be with. But they can also be really demanding and test our patience.

How do we teach children self-discipline, so they are capable of achieving worthwhile goals. How do we correct a child when they cross the line? What is an appropriate response to poor behaviour? 

Again, parents need to respond in ways that fit the child and the situation. Train him according to his (or her) way…

You may have heard the saying, behaviour is communication. Behaviour is like the tip of the iceberg; the part you can see above the water line. Behaviour is driven by what’s happening beneath the surface.

If your child is behaving in a way that does not meet your expectations, then you have to ask yourself, ‘What is my child telling me?’ ‘What are they trying to communicate by their behaviour? ‘What’s going on beneath the surface?’    

Maybe they are simply tired or hungry or sick, but they are not able to use their words, so they throw a tantrum. In that case, they don’t need to be punished. They need some food and a sleep.

Or maybe they are bored, in which case they might benefit from some responsibility, being given a household task which is a bit challenging without being overwhelming. Ideally something they can do with you.

Behaviour is communication. What is your child saying when they throw their toys or yell at you or pull their sister’s hair? Well, they might be telling you they are angry. Anger is the normal reaction to injustice. Kids like things to be fair.

Everyone wants things to be fair, but kids are especially tuned in to matters of justice, at least as it pertains to them. Unfortunately, the world we live in is not always fair, and so part of training a child means acknowledging the injustice and helping them find constructive ways to express their anger.

Your kids need you to be consistent and fair. Then they will learn to trust you and they will know where to turn when life gives them lemons.

Protect your child:

So, what about physical punishment? Is it okay to smack your kids? Afterall, doesn’t the Bible say, ‘Spare the rod and spoil the child’? Meaning, a decent hiding is good for a child.

Well, no, the Bible does not say that at all. Spare the rod and spoil the child is an old English proverb. Those words are not found in Scripture. 

What the Bible actually says, in Proverbs 13 verse 4, is this…

He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline.

The rod in this proverb is a metaphor for discipline in the sense of training or correction. This is poetry, not to be taken literally. The emphasis is on loving your children and being careful in what you teach them and how you correct them. This is not a recommendation for hitting children.   

Literally hitting children is likely to teach them fear, anger and violence, more than anything else. Positive reinforcement and encouragement is a far more effective way of correcting children. Kids need to grow up around adults who have gentle hands, kind words and a positive, warm presence.

In the 23rd Psalm, David says of the Lord, …your rod and your staff they comfort me. Here the rod is associated with comfort, not punishment.  

The shepherd’s rod was like a club (a weapon) the shepherd used to fend off wild dogs and other predators that threatened the sheep. The shepherd did not hit the sheep with his rod. He protected the sheep with his rod.

Likewise, loving parents will not use the rod to hit their children. They will use the rod to protect their children from harm.

For example, loving parents will put safeguards in place to ensure their young children don’t have access to content on the TV or internet that would be disturbing to them. And, as their children get older, loving parents will teach them how to navigate the internet safely.

We might think of the rod as a metaphor for setting boundaries. Boundaries tend to make kids feel safe.  Loving parents will create healthy boundaries for their children. They will say ‘no’ to their kids when that is appropriate.

Of course, you don’t want the boundaries to be too tight or too strict. Kids need room to explore and learn and have fun. By the same token, it’s not helpful to let your kids run wild either. You set boundaries to fit the soul and temperament of the child.

Do you get what Proverbs 13 is saying? The rod is not used for hitting children. It is used for protecting children from those things which do harm.

Jesus was very strong on protecting children. Listen to what he says in Matthew 18, verse 6…

“If anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.”

Okay, we have unpacked the first part of Proverbs 22, verse 6. Train a child in the way he should go. This is about dedicating a child to the path of wisdom, or putting them on the right track, in other words. But the right track is not a generic, one size fits all. The right track is tailored to the needs of the child.

Understand and respect your child’s individuality. Train your child in the way that fits who they are. Remember, behaviour is communication. So called naughty behaviour might actually be a cry for help. Are you listening to what your child’s behaviour is saying?  

Trust your child to God:

What about the second part of that verse? Train a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not turn from it.

Hmm. The thing we need to remember here is that this is a proverb, not a promise. A proverb is a like a general rule or a principle. There will always be exceptions to the rule.

As a general rule, training a child in the way he should go will result in that child sticking to what they have learned throughout life, like the way I tie my shoelaces.

However, there will be times when even the best training does not stick and children walk a different path from the one their parents intended for them. So, we should not blame parents for the sins of their children. As adults we need to take responsibility for our own actions.

We also need to be aware of the historical and cultural differences. The Old Testament book of Proverbs was written maybe 2,500 to 3000 years ago at a time and place in history that is very different from our own.

In the world of the ancient near east, adulthood was marked by taking on responsibilities for your family and the neighbourhood. To be an adult was to look after your parents, your wider family and your community.

By contrast, in modern western culture, adulthood is defined by individuation, leaving home and becoming independent.

Another key difference between then and now is the number of influences people face. In the ancient near east, people did not have TV or the internet or social media. They were mainly influenced by their own family and the people they lived with in their community.

Also, parents and children worked and lived together much of the time. So, children were not exposed to as many alternatives as they are today. A young person back then might be more inclined to go along with what their parents taught them because they did not know anything else.

These days our children can literally access a world of different alternatives at the press of a button. Kids don’t spend as much time around their parents, which means parents don’t have nearly as much influence as they once did.        

The point I’m making here is that these days, when you train a child in the way he should go it does not necessarily follow that when he is old, he will not turn from it. Your kids might stick to what you taught them. But then again, they might pick and choose what bits to adopt and what bits to discard.

Robert Louis Stevenson, the author of stories like Treasure Island and Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, was born into a Christian home. Both of his parents were devout Presbyterians, and his grandfather was a Church of Scotland minister. Stevenson’s nurse was fervently religious too.

All of this is to say that, as a child, Robert Louis Stevenson had plenty of people training him in the way he should go. He knew about God and he knew his parents loved him, but this did not guarantee a life time of walking closely with Jesus.   

In 1873, at the age of 22, Robert Louis Stevenson no longer believed in God and had grown tired of pretending to be something he was not. His father was devastated to hear that his son was an atheist saying, ‘You have rendered my whole life a failure’. His mother was equally wounded.      

Parenting is one of the hardest things you can do. To learn that your child has rejected what you hold dear is difficult indeed. Sometimes there is nothing you can do but pray and trust your child to God’s grace.

Stevenson’s rejection of God and the church did not turn into a lifelong atheism though. About five years later, at the age of 27, Robert wrote to his father saying…

Christianity is, among other things, a very wise, noble and strange doctrine of life… I have a good heart and believe in myself and my fellow-men and the God who made us all… There is a fine text in the Bible to the effect ‘that all things work together for good for those who love the Lord’.

Robert Louis Stevenson returned to Christian faith in the second part of his life, but it wasn’t the same faith he had as a child. Nor was it exactly the same as his parents’ faith. Stevenson emerged from his time of spiritual disorientation with a new orientation.       

Churches are full of faithful people who do their best to encourage their kids to follow Jesus, only to have those same kids walk away from Christ and the church. Not that their kids are bad people. They often operate out of some very Christ-like values, perhaps without realising it. They just don’t embrace everything their parents tried to teach them.     

Life and faith are a journey with many unexpected twists and turns. As parents we have a responsibility to train our children and to protect our children. Ultimately though, we must trust our children to God. We are not responsible for the choices our adult children make.

Conclusion:

The other thing to remember here is that children have something very important to teach adults. As Jesus says in Matthew 18…

I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

Let us pray…

Loving Father, help us to train children in the way they should go. Help us to protect children and to trust our children to you. Help us also to learn from children. Through Jesus we pray. Amen. 

Questions for discussion or reflection:

What stands out for you in reading this Scripture and/or in listening to the sermon? Why do you think this stood out to you?

  • Can you think of something you were taught when you were young that has stayed with you throughout your life? What was it? Has it served you well?
  • What does it mean to train your child in the way he or she should go? How might you do this?
  • What rhythms and routines do you maintain? How are these rhythms and routines shaping you and those around you? What would a child learn from your example?
  • Discuss / reflect on the statement, behaviour is communication. What does this mean? Can you think of examples from your own experience?
  • How do we teach children self-discipline? How do we correct a child when they cross the line? What is an appropriate response to poor behaviour?
  • How might we protect children? Why do children need boundaries?
  • What can we learn from children? (c.f. Jesus’ comments in Matthew 18)   
Tawa Baptist

Principles

Scripture: Proverbs 3:1-12

Video Link: https://youtu.be/3zN8xHVvEg0

Structure:

  • Introduction
  • Verses 1-4
  • Verses 5-8
  • Verses 9-12
  • Conclusion

Introduction:

Good morning everyone.

I grew up in the city of Hamilton. The main feature of Hamilton is the Waikato river, New Zealand’s longest river. As a general principle, river water travels downstream and consequently you can expect anything floating on the water to travel downstream too.

Having said that, there are times when the water travels upstream, against the main flow. This usually happens near the bank of the river. Sometimes floating objects get caught in an eddy and are prevented from moving downstream. But eventually they come unstuck and carry on their journey to the sea. 

Today we continue our series in the book of Proverbs. Proverbs offers practical wisdom for living well in this world.

The book of Proverbs is like a river. It describes the main flow of wisdom and the outcomes one can expect from certain choices. It doesn’t explore the eddy lines and back flows all that much. Proverbs is more concerned with the main principles of wisdom rather than the exceptions to the rule.  

Our message this week focuses on chapter 3, verses 1-12, which read…

My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, 2 for they will prolong your life many years and bring you peace and prosperity. 3 Let loyal love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. 4 Then you will win favour and a good name in the sight of God and man. 5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. 7 Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. 8 This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones. 9 Honour the Lord with your wealth, with the first fruits of all your crops; 10 then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine. 11 My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline, and do not resent his rebuke, 12 because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.

May the Spirit of Jesus illuminate God’s word for us.

Verses 1-4:

The book of Proverbs contains principles. A principle is a fundamental truth or proposition that serves as the foundation for a system of beliefs. Principles guide our reasoning and behaviour.

For example, one of your principles for living might be ‘do unto others as you would have them do unto you’. This principle then informs your chain of reasoning and behaviour: I want people to be honest and kind with me, therefore I will be honest and kind with others.

Of course, living by this principle does not guarantee people will always be honest and kind with you, but it does increase the likelihood of positive treatment. In any case, your kindness and honesty is not dependent on others. You aim to be kind and honest on principle, irrespective of how others may behave. 

Proverbs gives us principles to live by but we should not confuse these principles with promises.

The principle in verses 1-2 of Proverbs 3 is that the son remembers the commands (or instructions) his parents have given him, for they will prolong your life and bring you peace and prosperity. This is not a promise. There is no guarantee that following the parents’ wise advice will always bring prosperity.

Following the path of wisdom is not a get rich quick scheme. We don’t learn wisdom in order to accumulate lots of money. We learn wisdom on principle, because that is who we are and what we want to build our life on. 

There will be times when the vicissitudes of life create an exception to the rule. The story of Job is a case in point. Not all suffering is the result of folly. Sometimes bad things happen to good people and we don’t know why. We don’t always get what we deserve. But, as a general principle, following the path of wisdom leads to peace in the end. Ultimately, God restored Job.

The phrase translated as peace and prosperity is actually one word, shalom, in the original Hebrew. Shalom is wellbeing or abundant life. The prosperity of shalom has less to do with money or possessions and more to do with the richness of right relationships in community with others.  

The principle then is that remembering the parents’ wisdom is good for wellbeing, not just your own personal wellbeing but also the wellbeing of the whole community.

Verses 3-4 provide another principle to live by, the principle of loyal love and faithfulness. The term loyal love is actually hesed in the Hebrew. I’ve talked about hesed before. Ruth did hesed for her mother-in-law Naomi. Jesus does hesed for us on the cross.

Loyal love and faithfulness is about commitment and taking care of your relationships. Being a trust worthy person, maintaining your friendship and support through good times and bad.

To bind something around your neck is to have it with you all the time, wherever you go. To wear it so people can see. A wedding ring on your finger is a symbol of loyal love and faithfulness to your partner in marriage. It shows your commitment to your spouse.

Likewise, for some people, wearing a cross around their neck is a sign of their commitment to Christ. For others a cross necklace is just decoration. Wisdom says it is important that the symbols we wear on the outside of our bodies reflect the deeper principles and commitments we hold in our hearts. 

The heart, in this context, represents a person’s inner life. It includes your mind, emotions and will. To write loyalty and faithfulness on your heart is to be the same on the inside as you are on the outside. Don’t just pretend to be loyal and faithful, mean it genuinely, from the inside out.

As a general principle, being loyal and faithful will result in a good reputation. Over time, people will learn they can trust you. That being said, you don’t practice loyalty and faithfulness in order to make yourself look good. You are loyal and faithful and practice hesed on principle, because that is who you are; that is the foundation on which you want to build your life.

While a good reputation is not guaranteed or promised, it is the normal by-product of a life lived with loyalty and faithfulness.

There’s an interesting wee connection between Proverbs 3 and Luke 2. After the boy Jesus was left behind in the temple and his parents found him, we read   

51 Then Jesus went down to Nazareth with his parents and was obedient to them. But his mother treasured all these things in her heart. 52 And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man. 

We don’t always follow the wisdom of our parents but Jesus did. We are not always loyal and faithful but Jesus was. Jesus fulfils the principles of wisdom we read about in Proverbs. Jesus does for us what we are not able to do for ourselves.

Verses 5-8:

Verses 5-12 of Proverbs 3, spell out some of wisdom’s principles as they operate in our relationship with God. Verses 5-6 are well known…

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.  

The main principle here is to rely on God; don’t be sucked in by the illusion of self-reliance. 

We tend lean on this verse at isolated times when we are facing a significant life decision, like who to marry, whether to change careers, how to handle a tricky issue and so on. But really, these verses are for all of life, not just the crisis points and crossroads.

Trusting the Lord needs to be a constant principle we live by 24-7. We are to trust with all our heart, completely, totally. Trust is the antidote to worry and anxiety. Trust sets us free to think more clearly so we make better decisions. Trust enables us to wait patiently and to rest so our strength is renewed.

Trust is like a bridge over a gorge; it provides a way to safer ground.

Trust is like a torch light when you are walking at night in the bush; it doesn’t show the whole journey, but it does reveal enough to take the next step.

Trust is a promise kept; it gives you confidence to move forward.

Trust is like a warm meal; it fills you with comfort and strength.

There is a lot in this world that we don’t know and cannot control. If we think about that stuff too much we soon become overwhelmed with fear. Trusting God means leaving the stuff we don’t understand and cannot control with God. Not worrying about it but instead focusing on the things we can control.

God is the source of wisdom.  God alone sees the whole picture. We only see a small piece of the puzzle and not always that clearly. If we make decisions based on the little we know, without reference to God, then there is a good chance we will get it wrong.

This does not mean we have nothing to offer. Rather, trusting God with all our heart means we put God at the centre of our decision making.

The temptation is to rely on ourselves. That is what Adam and Eve did when they ate the forbidden fruit. Their sin (and ours) was to stop trusting God and rely on their own understanding.

Verse 6 talks about acknowledging God. In one sense that means praying to God; asking him to guide us and show us the way. But asking God for guidance is the easy part. The harder part is listening for God’s response; discerning what he is saying.

In order to do that we must know God. So the bigger part of acknowledging God is knowing him. We come to know God in the experiences we have along life’s pathway and as we trust him.

For example, my knowledge of God as Father did not come solely from a book. It came mostly from being a son and becoming a father myself. Likewise, my knowledge of Jesus (his goodness and suffering) came in part from reading the gospels but more deeply through serving in the church.

My knowledge of God’s forgiveness comes from realising when I have messed up, being honest about that and receiving forgiveness. It also comes when other people do wrong and I have to look to God for the grace to forgive them and let it go. 

The principles of loyal love and faithfulness in verse 3 are divine qualities. As we practice loyalty and faithfulness we grow in our knowledge of God. 

Do you understand the principle here? Acknowledging God isn’t just something we do in our head. It is the knowledge that comes from experience; from walking in relationship with God. And that happens all through life’s journey.

Verses 7-8 are saying almost the same thing as verses 5-6, just in a slightly different way. Not being wise in your own eyes is another way of saying, do not lean on your own understanding.

Fearing the Lord, goes hand in hand with trusting the Lord. To fear the Lord, in this context, means to respect the Lord, to recognise him as the source of wisdom and to be in touch with your need for his help. Those who fear the Lord do not want to do anything to damage their trust with God and so they shun evil.

The wisdom of these verses could be paraphrased as, walk humbly with God. The natural consequence of walking humbly with God is enjoying good health in your physical body.

This does not mean that everyone who is sick is wise in their own eyes. People can become sick for any number of reasons. Sickness is not proof of sin. Correlation does not prove causation. The principle here is that there is a connection between body and spirit.  

Jesus understood the body / spirit connection well. The Lord said, human beings cannot live on bread alone but need every word that God speaks. The person who fears and trusts the Lord, listens to God’s word and obeys it. The wisdom that comes from God is as necessary for life and health as food.  

Verses 9-12:

Part of acknowledging God involves honouring the Lord with your wealth. People in the Old Testament did this by offering the first fruits of their crops to God at the temple. The first fruits were then shared with the poor and the priests.

Giving a portion of our income (according to our means), rather than hoarding it up for ourselves, is an act of trust in God. It’s a practical way of saying, ‘God gave me this and God will continue to provide’.

Verse 10 says that when you return the first and best to the Lord, your barns will be filled to overflowing. You’ll have more than you need in other words.

Again, giving to the Lord is not a get rich quick scheme. We give to the Lord as a matter of principle, because offering the first and the best to God is an acknowledgement that all we have comes from God. It is God who provides us with a job and an income and the wherewithal to do the work.

Jesus talks about the wisdom of generosity in Luke 6, where he says…

“Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

Our earthly economy is driven by the assumption of scarcity. The underlying belief of our society is that there is not enough to go around and so when something is in short supply, the price goes up. The economy of God’s kingdom is different from that. The underlying principle of God’s kingdom is abundance. With God, there is more than enough to go around.

We still have to do the mahi though. We still have to be good stewards of what we have. But the principle of reaping what you sow holds. If you sow generously, you will (more often than not) reap a greater harvest. And if you forgive others, God will forgive you.

Verses 11-12 of Proverbs 3 show us that God’s love is expressed as much by the Lord’s disciplineas by the abundance he provides…

…do not despise the Lord’s discipline, and do not resent his rebuke, 12 because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.   

When we hear the word ‘discipline’ we may think of punishment. But discipline is a word that really means teaching. Disciplining or teaching someone will usually mean correcting them when they are wrong, so they don’t keep repeating their mistake. But that correction need not involve punishment. More likely it will involve further practice until you get it right.

Verse 11 says we are not to resent God when he rebukes (or corrects) us. Resentment is a form of anger. Anger is the natural response to injustice. We get angry when we think we are being treated unfairly. If God corrects you, because you are doing something wrong, that is not unfair, that is kindness.

But what if we suffer when we haven’t done anything wrong? Could God be teaching us something in that experience? In his book, The Problem of Pain, C.S. Lewis says this…  

“I suggest to you that it is because God loves us that he gives us the gift of suffering. Pain is God’s megaphone to rouse a deaf world. You see, we are like blocks of stone out of which the Sculptor carves the forms of men. The blows of his chisel, which hurt us so much are what make us perfect.”

C.S. Lewis was far wiser than me, but I’m not sure I agree with him entirely on this point. From a human perspective pain does not translate as love. Megaphones don’t work on the deaf but sign language does.

What’s more, human beings are not like blocks of stone. Stone is unfeeling, unyielding, unforgiving. Human life is fragile, sensitive to suffering, vulnerable.

Yes, God is a sculptor, but we are more like clay; soft, malleable, easily bent out of shape. In my experience, God’s correction of us is like that of a potter, who adds water and shapes our character with a gentle touch. Yes, the clay vessel goes into the furnace of suffering to set, but no longer than is necessary.

God’s discipline may, at times, involve suffering but not always. There is a patience and a grace to God’s discipline that is truly humbling.

If you know someone who is going through a difficult time at the moment, then please don’t make their ordeal any more difficult by suggesting God is teaching them something. Better to ask yourself, what is God teaching me.

God has a way of glorifying himself through suffering. I have learned a lot over the years by observing the way other people have handled themselves with courage and faith as they have journeyed through loss and grief.

Conclusion:

There are many principles of wisdom in the book of Proverbs but the most important principle is that God is love and everything he does is an expression of his love. The more we know that, the better we are able to trust him and rely not on our own understanding.

May the Lord bless you with a deeper experience of himself. Amen.

Questions for discussion or reflection:

What stands out for you in reading this Scripture and/or in listening to the sermon? Why do you think this stood out to you?

  • What is a principle? How is a principle different from a promise? Describe one principle that guides your reasoning and behaviour?
  • Why do we practice loyal love (hesed) and faithfulness?
  • What connections do you see between Proverbs 3:1-12 and Jesus (in the gospels)?
  • What does it mean to trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding?  How might we do this?
  • Discuss / reflect on the various ways you (personally) have come to know God.
  • Why do we give the first and best to God?
  • In what ways has God disciplined / taught / corrected you?