healthy attachment – Tawa Baptist

Scripture: Genesis 42:25-43:14

Video Link: https://youtu.be/qdL_nTpVw54

Structure:

Introduction
Fear and attachment
Faith and attachment
Conclusion

Introduction:

Good morning everyone.

When children are young, they often form an attachment to a soft toy, a teddy, a blanket or something else they cannot part with. The attachment gives the child a feeling of security.

Eventually though, the child forms other attachments. They make friends or get a pet and the toy or the teddy is put away. Although the kinds of attachments we make change through the various stages of our life, the basic reason for forming attachments remains the same, security.

Attachments are important. We need healthy attachments to survive and thrive, much like a plant needs an attachment to good soil. Sometimes though we become overly attached to the wrong things. Things which might make us feel good in the moment but provide no real or lasting security and are actually harmful to our wellbeing, causing us to wither and die.

This morning we continue our sermon series in the life of Joseph. Previously, Joseph’s brothers had travelled to Egypt to buy grain. They did not recognize Joseph but Joseph recognized them and decided to test them to see if they had changed for the better.

Joseph needed to know the quality of their attachments. Were they still attached to the wrong things? Or had they formed more healthy, life-giving attachments? We pick up the story from Genesis 42, verse 25…

²⁵ Joseph gave orders to fill their bags with grain, to put each man’s silver back in his sack, and to give them provisions for their journey. After this was done for them, ²⁶ they loaded their grain on their donkeys and left. ²⁷ At the place where they stopped for the night one of them opened his sack to get feed for his donkey, and he saw his silver in the mouth of his sack. ²⁸ “My silver has been returned,” he said to his brothers. “Here it is in my sack.” Their hearts sank and they turned to each other trembling and said, “What is this that God has done to us?” ²⁹ When they came to their father Jacob in the land of Canaan, they told him all that had happened to them. They said, ³⁰ “The man who is lord over the land spoke harshly to us and treated us as though we were spying on the land. ³¹ But we said to him, ‘We are honest men; we are not spies. ³² We were twelve brothers, sons of one father. One is no more, and the youngest is now with our father in Canaan.’ ³³ “Then the man who is lord over the land said to us, ‘This is how I will know whether you are honest men: Leave one of your brothers here with me, and take food for your starving households and go. ³⁴ But bring your youngest brother to me so I will know that you are not spies but honest men. Then I will give your brother back to you, and you can trade in the land.’ ” ³⁵ As they were emptying their sacks, there in each man’s sack was his pouch of silver! When they and their father saw the money pouches, they were frightened. ³⁶ Their father Jacob said to them, “You have deprived me of my children. Joseph is no more and Simeon is no more, and now you want to take Benjamin. Everything is against me!” ³⁷ Then Reuben said to his father, “You may put both of my sons to death if I do not bring him back to you. Entrust him to my care, and I will bring him back.” ³⁸ But Jacob said, “My son will not go down there with you; his brother is dead and he is the only one left. If harm comes to him on the journey you are taking, you will bring my gray head down to the grave in sorrow.”

May the Spirit of Jesus illuminate God’s word for us.

In these verses we see how fear affects attachment.

Fear and attachment:

Imagine yourself in a room full of gold. The gold is yours to keep if you want it. And you do want it. You’ve got bills to pay and having some money tucked away would give you peace of mind, or so you think.

The problem is this room you are sitting in with the gold is on a ship far out at sea. And the ship is sinking fast. If you stay with the gold, you will go down with the ship and if you try to take some of the gold with you, in your pockets, the weight will drag you under the waves.

The choice is clear. If you want to live, you must abandon your attachment to the gold.

Many of us have an attachment to money, although we may not like to admit it. We like having money because wealth gives us a feeling of security. It puts some of our fears to bed and makes us feel safe.

The problem is, having money also awakens other fears. Specifically, the fear of losing our money. Too much wealth can be as bad as too little. Riches, like poverty, tend to isolate us.

But when faced with a crisis, a choice between life and death, most of us would sacrifice the money to save ourselves. The fear of death is usually greater than the fear of poverty. You can always make more money, but you can’t make more time.

Joseph had suffered much at the hands of his brothers. They had sold him into slavery for 20 shekels of silver. By doing this the brothers had demonstrated a greater attachment to money than to Joseph.

When Joseph’s brothers leave Egypt to return to Canaan, Joseph orders his servant to put the silver they had paid back in their sacks. Why does Joseph do this? Is the silver a subtle reminder of his brothers’ crime? Or is Joseph being generous and repaying their wrongdoing with good?

Whatever Joseph’s motivation, when the brothers later discover the silver has been returned, their hearts sink and they feel terribly afraid.

They know this is not a good look. It makes them appear dishonest and gives the lord of the land more reason to distrust them.

In fear the brothers say to one another, “What is this that God has done to us?” Their guilty consciences see the returned silver as a punishment from God.

Although guilt doesn’t feel good, it is not always a bad thing. Guilt acts like bolt cutters for an unhealthy attachment. When we are attached to something that is harmful, like drinking too much for example, then (if our conscience is functioning properly) we will feel guilty about it and the guilt will motivate us to break our harmful attachment to alcohol.

The brothers’ fear and guilt is a necessary step in the process of their redemption.

When the brothers get home to Canaan and explain to their father Jacob what happened, how the lord of the land wants them to return with Benjamin, Jacob is fearful also. He won’t have a bar of it saying…

³⁸ “My son will not go down there with you; his brother is dead and he is the only one left. If harm comes to him on the journey you are taking, you will bring my gray head down to the grave in sorrow.”

Clearly, Jacob’s attachment to Benjamin and to his own grief is greater than anything he feels for the rest of his family.

Benjamin is no longer a child. He is a young man in his 20’s. Jacob’s attachment to Benjamin is not healthy. It keeps Jacob in a prison of fear and threatens the survival of the whole family.

While it is natural for parents to feel a strong attachment to their children, there comes a point when we need to trust God and let our children go. Not all at once, but gradually and with the support they need. Our attachment to our kids needs to flex and adapt as they grow.

It is difficult for Jacob to do this though because he has lost his favourite son, Joseph, and he is still living with the pain of that loss.

In his book, God of Surprises, Gerard Hughes (a Catholic priest and spiritual director) says this; “The answer is in the pain. We fear whatever causes us pain and try to escape, but in escaping we are running away from the answer… Face the fears that haunt you.” (page 101)

Jacob needs to face his fear of losing Benjamin. But will he find the faith he needs to do this?

Faith and attachment:

We continue the story from verse 1 of Genesis 43…

¹ Now the famine was still severe in the land. ² So when they had eaten all the grain they had brought from Egypt, their father said to them, “Go back and buy us a little more food.” ³ But Judah said to him, “The man warned us solemnly, ‘You will not see my face again unless your brother is with you.’ ⁴ If you will send our brother along with us, we will go down and buy food for you. ⁵ But if you will not send him, we will not go down, because the man said to us, ‘You will not see my face again unless your brother is with you.’ ⁶ “Israel asked, “Why did you bring this trouble on me by telling the man you had another brother?” ⁷ They replied, “The man questioned us closely about ourselves and our family. ‘Is your father still living?’ he asked us. ‘Do you have another brother?’ We simply answered his questions. How were we to know he would say, ‘Bring your brother down here’?” ⁸ Then Judah said to Israel his father, “Send the boy along with me and we will go at once, so that we and you and our children may live and not die. ⁹ I myself will guarantee his safety; you can hold me personally responsible for him. If I do not bring him back to you and set him here before you, I will bear the blame before you all my life. ¹⁰ As it is, if we had not delayed, we could have gone and returned twice.” ¹¹ Then their father Israel said to them, “If it must be, then do this: Put some of the best products of the land in your bags and take them down to the man as a gift—a little balm and a little honey, some spices and myrrh, some pistachio nuts and almonds. ¹² Take double the amount of silver with you, for you must return the silver that was put back into the mouths of your sacks. Perhaps it was a mistake. ¹³ Take your brother also and go back to the man at once. ¹⁴ And may God Almighty grant you mercy before the man so that he will let your other brother and Benjamin come back with you. As for me, if I am bereaved, I am bereaved.”

In these verses Jacob finds the faith to face his fears. Faith plays an important part in the formation of healthy attachments.

In the movie, The Sound of Music, Captain von Trapp does not enjoy a close or warm attachment to his children. Then along comes Maria who, through love and music, restores the father to his family.

In the middle of the film, the Captain and Maria start to form a romantic attachment. And, as is often the case with romantic attachments, neither of them is really that aware of their feelings at first.

Maria is confused and, after a quiet word from Baroness Schraeder, decides to return to the convent where she stays in seclusion and prepares to take vows to become a nun.

When the mother superior learns that Maria is actually afraid and hiding in the convent, to avoid her feelings for the Captain, she wisely encourages Maria to return to the von Trapp villa to face her fear and look for her purpose in life.

As it turns out, the Captain’s feelings of love for Maria have not changed, except now he has found the courage to admit his feelings to himself and to Maria. Baroness Schraeder sees the reality of the situation and gracefully leaves. Maria and the Captain are then married.

Faith plays an important part in forming healthy attachments. Faith helps us to face our fears and our pain. At the same time, faith enables us to hold things loosely, so we can let go in trust.

By faith Maria was able to put her romantic attachment to Captain von Trapp in God’s hands. She was willing to let God be God.

In Genesis 43, Jacob finds that he must face his fears and let go in faith, or else lose everything. The famine is so severe that the brothers must return to Egypt to buy more grain, or else they will starve. But they can’t return without taking Benjamin with them.

Reuben, the eldest brother, had tried persuading his father by saying that Jacob could put both of his sons to death if he doesn’t bring Benjamin back with him. But Jacob refuses.

If Reuben is that careless with his own sons, why would Jacob trust him with Benjamin. What good would it do to destroy more innocent lives? Reuben’s proposal is not the letting go of faith. It is the reckless letting go of desperation. It shows that Reuben’s attachments are not healthy.

Later Judah tries persuading Jacob by offering himself as guarantor for Benjamin saying, “I myself will guarantee his safety; you can hold me personally responsible for him…”

You may remember from Genesis 38 that two of Judah’s sons had died. Judah understands his father’s pain all too well.

Unlike Reuben, who was risking his sons’ lives, Judah is taking the risk on himself. Judah is saying that he will take the blame if he fails to bring Benjamin back safely. Judah’s proposal is more like the letting go of faith.

This reveals a real transformation in Judah’s character. Earlier, in Genesis 37, it was Judah who had led the others in selling Joseph into slavery. Now Judah takes the role of leader again, only this time he is not serving his own interests. This time Judah makes himself vulnerable and let’s go of his power in order to help others.

We see a change in the other brothers too. Twenty years earlier they might have ignored Jacob’s wishes and kidnapped Benjamin in order to get him to Egypt to buy grain.

But now, having witnessed the suffering of their father, the brothers let go of their attachment to violence and power in order to honour their father and allow him to decide.

In the end Jacob realises his options are limited. If he does not let Benjamin go, they will all die. So, Jacob finally allows Benjamin to travel with his brothers to Egypt.

But notice Jacob’s advice to his sons. “Take the best products of the land as a gift… Take double the amount of silver with you… And may God Almighty grant you mercy… As for me, if I am bereaved, I am bereaved.”

In faith, Jacob faces his fear of being bereaved. He does what he can to prepare his sons (sending them off with gifts for the man) and then trusts his sons and the success of their mission to God’s mercy. This is the letting go of faith. Jacob is learning to let God be God.

Letting go in faith requires thoughtfulness and courage. We do what is in our power to do and we trust God with the rest.

Conclusion:

Unhealthy attachments can reveal themselves in many ways. The accumulation of wealth, the compulsion to try and control everything, an obsession with what others think, an affair of the heart, overworking, a destructive habit, self-righteousness, becoming too dependent on one person for our security, and so on. These are all signs of an unhealthy attachment to something.

If we find ourselves holding onto something so tightly that we cannot let go and leave it in God’s hands, then it has probably become an unhealthy attachment. A millstone around our neck. Something that weighs our soul down and will eventually kill us.

What fears do you need to face?

What attachments do you need to hold more loosely?

Or perhaps let go of altogether?

Jesus understood our need for attachment. He also knew the human tendency to form attachments to the wrong things. The Lord says…

‘For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?’

In the end, the only thing that really matters is the quality of our attachment to Jesus.

Questions for discussion or reflection:

What stands out for you in reading this Scripture and/or in listening to the sermon? Why do you think this stood out to you?

Why do people form attachments?

How does fear affect our attachments? Why do we need to face our fears? What fears do you need to face?

What role does guilt play in breaking unhealthy attachments?

What role does faith play in the formation of healthy attachments? Can you think of ways that faith has helped you in forming attachments?

How might we know when an attachment has become unhealthy? What unhealthy attachments do you need to let go of? Ask God for his grace in doing this.

What can you do to strengthen your attachment to Christ?