Tawa Baptist

Honesty

Scripture: Deuteronomy 5:20; 19:15-19

Video Link: https://youtu.be/_3dB1FprMWo

Structure:

  • Introduction
  • Honesty promotes justice in the court room
  • Honesty promotes trust in the neighbourhood
  • Honesty promotes humility in the heart  
  • Conclusion

Introduction:

Good morning everyone.

Let’s begin with a simple multi-choice question. When was the first time you can remember telling a lie? Were you: A. under the age of 10; B. over the age of 10; C. I have never told a lie; Or D. I can’t remember, it was too long ago.  

I expect most people would answer either A. under 10 or D. I can’t remember. If you answered C. (that you have never told a lie) then you are either Jesus or you are telling a porky. Lying is probably the easiest, most inclusive, all-age sin there is. Almost anyone can lie. And, eventually, everyone does.

Today we continue our series in Deuteronomy. We are up to that part (in chapter 5) where Moses reiterates the ten commandments of Yahweh. This morning our focus is the command, ‘You shall not give false testimony against your neighbour’, in verse 20.

The general aim with this commandment is to be honest and tell the truth. Honesty promotes justice in the courtroom, it promotes trust in the neighbourhood and being honest with ourselves promotes humility in the heart.

Honesty promotes justice in the courtroom:

In the context of the ten commandments, you shall not give false testimony is primarily about not lying in a court of law. Or not perverting the course of justice in other words.   

For society to function in a peaceful way there needs to be justice. And justice depends on people being honest and telling the truth. In the ancient world they didn’t have forensic science like we do. They weren’t able to check for finger prints or DNA and so eye witnesses were essential for providing evidence.

In Deuteronomy 19, verse 15, we read…

15 One witness is not enough to convict anyone accused of any crime or offense they may have committed. A matter must be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.

The requirement for two or three witnesses (whose testimonies agree) provided a safe guard against miscarriages of justice. However, this safeguard was not full proof. It was still possible for two or three dishonest people to conspire against an innocent third party. And so Deuteronomy 19 goes on to say…

16 If a malicious witness takes the stand to accuse someone of a crime, 17 the two people involved in the dispute must stand in the presence of the Lord before the priests and the judges who are in office at the time. 18 The judges must make a thorough investigation, and if the witness proves to be a liar, giving false testimony against a fellow Israelite, 19 then do to the false witness as that witness intended to do to the other party. 

We see a number of examples of false witnesses in the Scriptures. One such example is found in the book of Esther.

There we read how Haman trumped up false charges against Mordecai. Haman was so confident of his plot he constructed gallows in anticipation of Mordecai being found guilty. As it transpired, Haman’s false testimony was uncovered and Haman himself was hung on the gallows he had prepared for Mordecai.

Perhaps the most famous example of people bearing false witness though was at the trial of Jesus. In Matthew 26 we read…

59 The chief priests and the whole Sanhedrin were looking for false evidence against Jesus so that they could put him to death. 60 But they did not find any [who could agree], though many false witnesses came forward.

Ironically, Jesus was put to death for giving truthful testimony about himself. When the high priest asked Jesus if he was the Christ, the Son of God, Jesus replied, “Yes, it is as you say.” No one in that court believed him, despite the evidence of his miracles, his fulfilment of Scripture and his followers.    

Okay, time for another multi-choice question. You don’t have to put your hand up for this one by the way. Simply consider what you might do. Here’s the scenario…

Your best friend was involved in a car crash but fled the scene before the police arrived so they could not test his blood for alcohol. You were seen with your friend at the pub the night of the crash but you were not in the car at the time. You are required to take the stand in court as a witness.

The prosecution asks if you saw your friend drinking the night of the crash. You answer ‘yes’. Then they ask you, how much was he drinking? You know that it was enough to put him over the limit but you don’t want to make things worse for your best mate. How do you answer?

Do you: A. tell the whole truth, it was four jugs of beer and two shots of tequila; B. fudge the truth to cover for him, it was only half a pint of beer; C. Lie by saying you can’t remember; Or D. remain silent and refuse to answer.

In this scenario you are not being tempted to get someone into trouble for something they haven’t done. You are being tempted to withhold the truth in order to protect a friend who is clearly in the wrong. Is it okay to do that?

Well, no. When Deuteronomy 5, verse 20, talks about giving ‘false’ testimony, the word false, means empty testimony. As Daniel Block explains, the concern is testimony that does not move the case forward, that hedges the truth or detracts from the pursuit of justice with misleading or trivial responses. [1]

In the context of a courtroom, the purpose with the command to not give false testimony is to ensure justice is done. Fudging the truth or leaving out crucial facts or pretending you can’t remember or saying nothing, are not allowed if those strategies derail the course of justice.

Okay, so we’ve talked about not giving false testimony in the context of formal legal proceedings. What about outside of a court of law. How does the command to not give false testimony apply in the neighbourhood? And by the neighbourhood we mean in the home, at school, in the work place, in your street, and so on.    

Honesty promotes trust in the neighbourhood:

In Leviticus 19 we read: Do not steal. Do not lie. Do not deceive one another.

And, jumping ahead to the New Testament, in Ephesians 4 we read: Each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbour… 

These verses are talking about being honest in our everyday relationships with the people in our neighbourhood. If the primary purpose of being honest in a court of law is to promote justice, then the primary purpose in being honest with our neighbours is to promote trust.

The air in the atmosphere we breathe is about 78% nitrogen, 21% oxygen and 1% other gases. As much as we need oxygen to survive, too much oxygen is harmful. In fact, breathing pure oxygen will kill you.

Honesty is like oxygen to the atmosphere of our relationships. We need honesty in our relationships. Honesty keeps trust alive. But too much honesty will kill the relationship. Honesty needs to be tempered with the nitrogen of discretion.

Discretion is not lying. Discretion is choosing when to speak and when to hold your tongue for the sake of the relationship; for the sake of trust.

For example, if you meet a friend at a café and as part of the conversation say, very loudly so everyone can hear, ‘how are your hemorrhoids?’ Or, ‘your breath smells really bad’. Or, ‘that dress makes you look fat’ Or, something else that might be honest but also embarrassing for them, then you will undermine trust and kill the friendship. There is such a thing as being too honest.

Being honest doesn’t give us a license to disclose other people’s business. In the context of the neighbourhood, honesty needs to be tempered with discretion, otherwise no one will trust you.

Imagine you are waiting by the coffee cart on the Main Road here in Tawa when one of the cool kids, someone quite successful and generally liked by everyone, starts talking with you while you are waiting for your morning fix. The conversation begins innocently enough but then takes a turn for the worse.

This popular person, who you admire, starts talking about another person’s failure behind their back. There may be some foundation to what they are saying but it is not entirely true and it certainly is not kind, much less anyone else’s business. How do you respond?

Do you: A. collude with them by agreeing; B. listen and say nothing; C. call them out (and correct them); or D. subtly change the topic of conversation.     

I guess most of us would like to think we had the courage to call them out and correct them, even though that might make us the target of their gossip with someone else. But I imagine most (if not all) of us have employed all four strategies at one point or another.

In 1st Corinthians 13, Paul describes the most excellent way, saying…

5 Love does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, 

Honesty can be a brutal thing, if it is not motivated by love. We may harm others with our words and then justify ourselves by saying, ‘I was just keeping it real’ or ‘I was only being honest’.  Yes, love rejoices with the truth. But that does not mean love is insensitive or that it takes pleasure in seeing people hurt.

The truth is too big for any of us to know. We don’t have the full picture and so we need to be honest with ourselves and admit the limits of our understanding. Our words need to be motivated by love and humility. We must be careful not to dishonour others with our words. We need to protect the reputation of others.

As a teacher, Robyn sometimes has kids coming to her telling tales. She poked her tongue out at me. Or he peed in the pool. There may be some truth to these tales but there isn’t much love.

Robyn has an acrostic she uses with the kids in her class. It spells the word THINK. (I’ve shared this with you before.) She tells her kids to THINK before they speak. Is it True? Is it Helpful? Is it Inspiring? Is it Necessary? And is it Kind? If it is true, helpful, inspiring, necessary and kind then it is worth saying.  

The apostle Paul summed it up in Ephesians 4 when he said…

Say only the good things people need to hear, that will really help them.

When our words are honest and kind, we foster trust in our relationships. Trust is the foundation really. Without trust there is nothing to build on and the neighbourhood collapses.

These days our neighbourhood is not just a physical place. Many of us also inhabit a virtual online neighbourhood. We live in the information age. There is so much data at our finger tips, on the internet. Unfortunately, not all of it is true. The recent pandemic has revealed the power of misinformation to mislead people and undermine trust.  

Jesus teaches us to be discerning in what we accept as true and what we filter out as false. In Matthew 7, Jesus says…

15 “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. 16 By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles? 17 Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 

Jesus wants us to be discerning about what we accept as true because buying into a lie makes it harder to trust and easier to become cynical.

Okay, so we are talking about the importance of being honest. Honesty promotes justice in the courtroom, it promotes trust in the neighbourhood and being honest with ourselves promotes humility in the heart.

Honesty promotes humility in the heart:

Jesus had quite a bit to say about keeping our heart honest. Jesus was particularly tough on religious hypocrisy. A hypocrite is an actor, someone who gets by in life by pretending to be something they are not. Listen to some of the things Jesus said to the religious leaders’ faces, from the gospel of Luke…

39 Then the Lord said to him, “Now then, you Pharisees clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside you are full of greed and wickedness. 

41 But… be generous to the poor, and everything will be clean for you.

46“And you experts in the law, woe to you, because you load people down with burdens they can hardly carry, and you yourselves will not lift one finger to help them.

An ignorant person might hear those words and think, Jesus is taking a shot at all professional clergy. But he’s not. Anyone can be a Pharisee. You don’t even have to be a believer to be like the religious leaders Jesus is describing here. Those words fit for anyone who is dishonest with themselves.  

Imagine you are in church singing a worship song. You are finding the song difficult to sing. Not because the music is complicated but because the words are pricking your conscience. All to Jesus, I surrender, all to thee I freely give. I will ever love and trust you, in your presence daily live. I surrender all…

You know in your heart that you are failing to live up to those words. It’s not that you have a sensitive conscience. In fact, your conscience hardly ever bothers you, which (truth be told) is how you like it.

But the Spirit is present, this particular day, and you know Jesus is putting his finger on something in your life, something you would rather not face. Perhaps some dodgey dealings at work or school. Or maybe you are cheating on your boyfriend or being violent with your wife or neglecting your children. 

Whatever it is, do you: A. ignore your conscience and sing louder; B. lip sync without actually singing the words; C. stop coming to church altogether; or D. put things right and return to church the next Sunday to sing with a clear conscience.

Hopefully we would all do D. put things right and sing with a clear conscience. Having said that, I’m all too aware that sometimes we human beings are tempted to use religion as a cloak of invisibility, to hide what’s really going on in our personal lives.

Now, I’m not suggesting we stop singing worship songs in church every time we do something wrong. If we did that, no one would ever be able to sing.

The point is we need to be honest with ourselves and with God. Other people can’t see into our hearts but God can. There is no fooling him. We don’t have to be perfect to call ourselves a Christian but nor can we fake it.

When we mess up we need to confess our wrong doing to the Lord, do what we can to put it right and continue following Jesus in faith, trusting ourselves to God’s grace, without pride or pretence. 

One of the ways we keep our heart honest is through the spiritual discipline of self-examination and confession. Confession is when you tell God (aloud) what you have done wrong. When confession is done well, it releases us from guilt and enables to walk humbly with God.

Trouble is, we don’t always do confession well. We may spend too much time examining our heart and become too critical of ourselves, not allowing any room for grace. Or we might go to the other extreme and charge through life without any self-awareness, leaving a trail of hurt people in our wake.     

When I was a teenager, I remember attending a church service. The guest speaker was talking about the value of confessing our sins to each other. Not wanting to be hypocrites, and perhaps also wanting to unburden their conscience, a number of people got up and confessed their deepest darkest secrets to the whole congregation.

In hindsight, I don’t think that was a good idea. While there is a place for accountability, perhaps with a mentor or in small groups, it doesn’t really work in a bigger gathering. Some people over shared and others didn’t share anything. The whole exercise just made people feel awkward or misunderstood and consequently more disconnected, which defeats the purpose of church.

Confession works best when done in the same context in which we committed the wrong doing. For example, if you lie to a colleague, one on one, then you put that right by confessing the truth to that colleague, one on one. You don’t need to tell the whole church what you did.

However, if you stand up in a church meeting and say something false or hurtful, then you put that right by admitting your mistake in a church meeting. Confession works best when done in the same context in which we committed the wrong doing.    

Conclusion:

We’ve talked this morning about the importance of honesty. Honesty promotes justice in the courtroom, it promotes trust in the neighbourhood and being honest with ourselves promotes humility in the heart.

But are there any circumstances when it is okay to lie? Well, if the purpose in being honest is to promote justice, trust and humility, then we may be forced to lie if telling the truth would undermine justice, trust and humility.

One last multi-choice question to illustrate what I mean. Imagine you live under a ruthless dictatorship, one in which the authorities are hell bent of eradicating anyone with red hair. The ruler of the country has lost his mind. People with even a hint of ginger in their beard are being hunted down and sent into exile on Stewart Island to shuck oysters.

The law is completely ridiculous. Having red hair is not a moral issue. There is no justice in this decree. It undermines human dignity, destroys trust and promotes bigotry and prejudice.

Do you: A. set up a secret hair salon in your basement to dye people’s hair black; B. Dye your own hair red in solidarity; C. lie to the authorities to protect your red headed neighbours; or D. report people with red hair to the police.

I think, in an extreme situation like that, lying to the authorities is (paradoxically) a more honest option than reporting red heads to the police.

(My apologies to people with red hair and anyone living on Stewart Island. I mean no disrespect. I’m 98% sure this scenario would never happen.)

Let us pray…

Father God, we thank you for Jesus who shows us what it means to hold grace and truth together. Help us to be honest with you, honest with our neighbours and honest with ourselves. May justice be upheld in our courts of law. May trust be strengthened in our neighbourhoods and may we walk humbly with you. Through Jesus we pray. Amen.  

Questions for discussion or reflection:

What stands out for you in reading these Scriptures and/or in listening to the sermon? Why do you think this stood out to you?

  • When was the first time you can remember telling a lie? What happened? How did you feel? Were you able to put it right?
  • Why is it important to be honest? What does honesty promote? 
  • Can you recall a time when someone lied to you? What happened? How did you feel? Was your ability to trust affected? If so, how? 
  • How might we handle a situation in which someone talks negatively to us about someone else behind their back? How do we maintain trust?
  • Is it ever okay to lie? If so, under what circumstances? What principles can we use to guide us?
  • How might we keep ourselves honest? What does healthy confession look like in practice? Make some time this week to examine your heart, confess your short fallings to God and make things right with others if necessary.

[1] Daniel Block, NIVAC Deuteronomy, pages 166-167.

Tawa Baptist

Respectful Relationships

Scripture: John 4:5-26

Video Link: https://youtu.be/E2XyyjXWG1M

Structure:

  • Introduction
  • Value not violence
  • Equality not entitlement
  • Honesty not humiliation
  • Conclusion

Introduction:

Good morning everyone.

Over the past couple of weeks, we have been taking a closer look at some of the values of NZBMS, our Baptist Missionary Society. First we considered the core value of mutual humility, then last week the value of listening. Today we conclude the Renew Together campaign by exploring the value of respectful relationships.

Jesus modelled respectful relationships for us during his earthly ministry. With this in mind, the people at NZBMS have chosen the story of Jesus’ conversation with the Samaritan woman at the well, to help illustrate what a respectful relationship looks like. 

As I read John 4 I noticed three things in this regard. Respectful relationships are characterised by value not violence, by equality not entitlement and by honesty not humiliation. From John chapter 4, verse 4, we read…

4 Now he [Jesus] had to go through Samaria. 5 So he came to a town in Samaria called Sychar, near the plot of ground Jacob had given to his son Joseph.  6 Jacob’s well was there, and Jesus, tired as he was from the journey, sat down by the well. It was about noon. 7 When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, “Will you give me a drink?” 8 (His disciples had gone into the town to buy food.) 9 The Samaritan woman said to him, “You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans.)

May the Spirit of Jesus illuminate God’s word for us.

Value is at the heart of respect. Human beings are intrinsically valuable because God made us in his image. Each one of us is unique, one of a kind. Our lives are precious. Sadly, we have a tendency to forget both the value of others and our own value.

The Jews and Samaritans forgot. There was a terrible history between them. Violence, grudges and abuse were common between the two ethnicities. Around 722 BC the Assyrians invaded northern Israel and deported thousands of Jews, replacing them with settlers from Babylon, Syria and other nations.

These foreigners introduced pagan gods and intermarried with the Jewish people who remained. Their descendants became known as Samaritans. The southern Jews (the people of Judah) felt that the northern tribes had compromised their faith and their covenant with Yahweh and they hated the Samaritans for it.

In 128 BC the Jews destroyed the Samaritan temple on Mount Gerizim. Just over a century later, when Jesus was a toddler, a group of Samaritans dug up some Jewish bones, broke into the Jerusalem temple and scattered the bones in the holy of holies. In retaliation, the Jewish leaders enlisted the Romans to massacre Samaritans on Mount Gerizim.

In John 4, Jesus decided to leave Judea (in the south) and head home to Galilee (in the north). Rather than follow the normal Jewish route, which went out of the way to avoid Samaritan territory, Jesus took a more direct path through the heart of Samaria.

As he was waiting by a well outside the town of Sychar, a Samaritan woman came out to draw water from the well. It was pretty clear that something was amiss.

Normally women came out together (in groups) at the beginning and end of the day to avoid the heat. But this woman was on her own in the middle of the day. She was a social outcast. Nigella no mates. 

Jesus was thirsty and so he asked the woman for a drink. Jesus’ physical thirst here seems to mirror the woman’s spiritual thirst.

Now, to pretty much anyone of that time and culture, Jesus’ request would have seemed to be anything but respectful. The cultural expectation of that time was for Jesus to keep a reasonable distance and ignore the woman. Men were not supposed to talk to women they didn’t know and Jews were not supposed to interact with Samaritans. That was like consorting with the enemy.

Jesus knows this of course, but he is not satisfied with the status quo. Centuries of prejudice and violence has not worked and if what you are doing isn’t working, then more of the same isn’t going to help.

So Jesus tries something different. Jesus starts a conversation with this woman and in the process he shows us what a respectful relationship looks like. Jesus is physically thirsty and the woman is spiritually thirsty, so their mutual thirst provides some common ground for Jesus to start a conversation. 

Now, when we talk about having a conversation in the context of respectful relationships, we need to be clear about what we mean. To build and maintain respectful relationships the conversation needs to be non-violent.

Violence isn’t just physical; it can be verbal as well. People can say things that are unkind or untrue, they can make threats or use an angry tone in an attempt to try and gain control over the other person through fear.

We notice that Jesus does not use violence or intimidation in his conversation. To the contrary, Jesus makes himself vulnerable. By asking the woman for help, Jesus gives the woman a free choice, he gives her power and control in the situation.

She can choose to ignore him or she can choose to help him. If she helps him, Jesus will be in her debt. If she doesn’t help him, she can feel like she did not betray her own people by helping a Jew. Either way she wins.

The woman keeps her options open. She doesn’t give Jesus a drink but she doesn’t ignore him either. Clearly, she is not afraid of Jesus. She hasn’t run away, nor has she felt pressured to do what Jesus said. She is curious and enters into this conversation to find out more.

Understandably, she comes across as a bit defensive, pointing out the obvious differences between them. You are a Jewish man and I am a Samaritan woman. Aren’t you breaking an unspoken code here?

Equality, not entitlement:

10 Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.” 11 “Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water?

The woman still hasn’t given Jesus that drink he asked for, but Jesus does not press his request. There is no male privilege, no sense of entitlement from Jesus. He respects her decision and continues to treat the woman as an equal.

Equality, not entitlement, is one of the characteristics of a respectful relationship. Equality is about being fair and even handed in our dealings with others. Not thinking too highly of ourselves in relation to others. But at the same time not thinking too little of ourselves either.

Equality keeps the door open for people to redeem themselves when they mess up, because we all mess up at some point. We all need a second chance. Jesus held the door of equality open for this woman when no one else would.  

The ‘living water’ Jesus mentions is likely the Holy Spirit. Jesus is speaking in metaphors but the woman takes him literally. In verse 12 she tests Jesus by asking…

12 Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his livestock?”

We see a little bit of a power play from the woman here. It’s like she is goading Jesus with an insult. A Samaritan woman naming Jacob as their common ancestor would probably aggravate most Jews who considered both Samaritans and women inferior and not worthy of claiming God’s promises through Jacob.

Jesus doesn’t take offence at her comment though. He keeps the door of the conversation open. Jesus doesn’t see any shame in being associated with a Samaritan woman. Jesus treats this woman with fairness, saying...

 13 “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14 but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

That term, eternal life, needs some explanation. Most people, when they hear the phrase, ‘eternal life’, think in terms of time. They think immortality, eternity, life that goes on and on and on forever without end. 

But in the gospel of John eternal life is primarily a reference to a quality relationship with God. A relationship characterised by friendship and intimacy with God. Eternal life is abundant life, life with joy and meaning. Life that we don’t ever want to end.

The opposite of eternal life is loneliness, isolation, alienation, the hell of not being able to trust anyone. By offering this woman the gift of eternal life, Jesus is putting his finger on the deepest longing of this woman’s heart. She has no friends, no intimacy. She is an outcast, treated as unequal, at the bottom of the heap.

Jesus does not force the gift of living water on her, as if he is entitled to decide what is best for her. He holds the door of eternal life open for her. She is free to walk through or not.  

Honesty, not humiliation:

15 The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.”

It seems she still doesn’t get Jesus’ meaning. She is still thinking literally. Either that, or she is being sarcastic and playing games. Either way, Jesus is determined to keep the relationship respectful. And a respectful relationship is an honest relationship. Things are about to get real…

16 He told her, “Go, call your husband and come back.” 17 “I have no husband,” she replied. Jesus said to her, “You are right when you say you have no husband. 18 The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.”

We are not told the back story with these six relationships but it is pretty clear this woman has been through the mill. Whether she is a widow or a divorcee or an adulterer or all three, she is first and foremost a person and she has suffered. Jesus sees her loneliness and thirst and he cares for her. That care includes facing the facts honestly and with grace.   

Honesty is essential to respectful relationships. Honesty is the oxygen of trust. Honesty enables the relationship to breathe. However, our honesty must always be mixed with grace. Pure oxygen will kill you. Honesty is not a license to be cruel or malicious. If our motivation in being honest is to humiliate the other person then we will only end up suffocating trust.

Jesus does not call out the woman’s chequered past to humiliate her. Jesus is seeking to build trust by being honest about himself. Jesus is a prophet but the woman does not yet realise this. If Jesus doesn’t reveal who he is soon, the woman may feel blindsided later. Honesty enables the relationship to breathe.  

Joy Oladokun has a song called Breathe Again. The chorus goes like this…

Am I looking for revival? Am I dressed in others’ sin?

Hold my breath until I’m honest, will I ever breathe again?

Jesus was dressed in others’ sin. He took the blame for things that were not his fault. He was unfairly treated and prejudged. When people need somewhere to put their anger, they often dump it on God. 

This song also reminds me of the Samaritan woman. She may not be perfect but nor can she wear the blame for five husbands by herself. She is, to some extent, like Jesus; dressed in others’ sin.

Her relationship status on Facebook would read, “It’s complicated”. It is difficult for a woman in her position to be honest. When we can’t be honest it’s like we can’t breathe, it creates a pressure in us (like anxiety). And if you can’t be honest, then you can’t be yourself. And if you can’t be yourself, then how can you be in a respectful relationship?

By disclosing that he knew her past, Jesus actually released the woman. Now she was free to be herself with him at least. She didn’t need to pretend. She could be honest at last. She could breathe again.

But honesty is not without risk. Jesus’ insight is cutting a bit close to the bone. The woman doesn’t want to talk about her failed relationships and changes the subject to religion and politics, because for some strange reason that feels safer.

19 “Sir, I can see that you are a prophet. 20 Our ancestors worshiped on this mountain, but you Jews claim that the place where we must worship is in Jerusalem.”

We New Zealanders don’t like to talk about religion and politics. A respectful relationship for us is one in which conversations about God and government are put aside in favour of talking about the weather and the rugby. But to not talk about what we believe is to not be entirely honest.

Jesus respects the woman’s wish to not talk about her failed marriages but he is still honest in saying what he believes about God…

21 “Woman,” Jesus replied, “believe me, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. 22 You Samaritans worship what you do not know; we worship what we do know, for salvation is from the Jews.  23 Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. 24 God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.”

In these verses Jesus is talking about worship and what a respectful relationship with God looks like. With the coming of Jesus, the centuries old feud between Jews and Samaritans over where God should be worshipped is a moot point. It is no longer relevant. All that bloodshed and animosity between the two ethnic groups was pointless.

Jesus replaces the temple building. Through faith in Jesus, God can be worshipped anywhere. What matters now is not where God is worshipped but the Spirit in which God is worshipped. 

25 The woman said, “I know that Messiah” (called Christ) “is coming. When he comes, he will explain everything to us.”

26 Then Jesus declared, “I, the one speaking to you—I am he.”

Elsewhere in the gospels, Jesus is pretty guarded about his identity. He reveals who he is to his disciples but he doesn’t put himself out there with the crowds or the religious leaders.

Jesus’ honesty in disclosing that he is the Messiah, shows tremendous respect for the Samaritan woman. And the woman does not disappoint Jesus’ trust. She shows him the respect of believing in him and sharing the good news with her neighbours.

Jesus accepts the Samaritans’ offer of hospitality without anxiety of being contaminated by their Samaritan-ness. God looks at the heart, not the outward appearance.

Conclusion:

Respectful relationships are characterised by value not violence, by equality not entitlement and by honesty not humiliation.  So how does this relate to us today?

Well, with so much blood being spilled in the name of God and religion, respectful relationships are needed more than ever between people of different faiths.

In about 30-40 years’ time it is predicted that 64% of the world’s population will be either Christian or Muslim. That means the way Christians and Muslims relate with each is going to have a significant impact on the world. You don’t want two thirds of the world at each other’s throats.

Maintaining respectful relationships with those who are different from us is essential to gospel renewal.

Thinking of your own personal relationships…

Who is it you often find yourself at odds with?

Maybe someone at work or school?

Maybe someone at home or church?

How might that relationship become more respectful?

Now, after hearing how Jesus built a respectful relationship with the Samaritan woman you might think, ‘That’s what I need to do too’. I need to be like Jesus. I need to make myself vulnerable, try and find some common ground, start a conversation, be honest and so on.

Well, maybe. But you also need to exercise wisdom. You can only build a respectful relationship with someone who is willing to be respectful in return. As I said at the beginning, a respectful conversation is a non-violent conversation.  

If the person you are at odds with is abusive, with no interest in a respectful relationship, then making yourself vulnerable with them probably isn’t a smart move. You have to have some respect for yourself as well.

Like Jesus said, “Don’t throw your pearls before swine”. In other words, be discerning. Jesus didn’t tell everyone he was the Messiah. He wasn’t vulnerable with every person he met.

But Jesus did see the value in others and he resisted the urge to violence.

Jesus was fair, he treated people with equality.

And Jesus was always honest, finding that perfect mix of grace & truth.

With the help of Jesus’ Spirit, we can aim for that as well.     

Grace and peace to you on the journey.

Questions for discussion or reflection:

What stands out for you in reading this Scripture and/or in listening to the sermon? Why do you think this stood out to you?

  • Why is respect important in relationships?
  • What is respect? The sermon mentions three characteristics of respectful relationships (i.e. value, equality and honesty). Can you think of any other characteristics?
  • What makes a person valuable? How might we value others?
  • What do we mean by equality? Can you think of an example of equality in your own experience? 
  • Why did Jesus disclose to the woman that he knew about her past? Why do we need to be honest in our relationships with others? What does honesty do?
  • Are your relationships respectful? If not, what needs to change for them to become more respectful? Ask Jesus’ help and guidance with this.