Tawa Baptist

Wedded to Wisdom

Scripture: Proverbs 31:10-31

Video Link: https://youtu.be/kEbqD1U8ugQ

Structure:

  • Introduction
  • Wonder Woman, or
  • Wisdom Woman
  • Conclusion

Introduction:

Good morning everyone.

If someone says to you, ‘His head is in the clouds’, they don’t literally mean that his head is high in the air floating around in the mist. They are using picture language to convey the idea that he is day dreaming.

Likewise, if someone says to you, ‘I feel like a pizza’, you know they are not talking about feeling hot and cheesy. They are speaking figuratively. They are saying, I feel like eating a pizza.

And if someone says, ‘I worked my socks off’, they don’t mean their socks literally came off while they were working. They mean I worked really hard.

Today we continue our series in the book of Proverbs. Much of Proverbs is poetry. It uses metaphor or picture language to convey ideas. Because Proverbs uses picture language you cannot take everything at face value. If what you are reading doesn’t make sense literally, then think figuratively. 

This morning’s message focuses on a poem at the end Proverbs. In the original Hebrew this is an alphabetical acrostic poem which means each line of the poem begins with the next letter of the Hebrew alphabet.

An English acrostic might go something like, she is Admirable, she is Beautiful, she is Clever, she is Discerning, she is Empathic and so on. 

Some readers see this as the A to Z of being the ideal wife because, if we read it literally, the poem seems to describe a kind of Wonder Woman with superpowers for doing housework, raising children, making money, helping the poor, giving wise advice and making her husband successful. 

If we read this poem metaphorically though, it is not talking about who you marry. It’s talking about wisdom. It’s saying, whoever you are, whether you are male or female, single or in a relationship, make wisdom your partner for life. Wisdom is the ideal help mate. From Proverbs 31, verse 10 we read…

10 How hard it is to find a capable wife! She is worth far more than jewels! 11 Her husband puts his confidence in her, and he will never be poor. 12 As long as she lives, she does him good and never harm. 13 She keeps herself busy making wool and linen cloth. 14 She brings home food from out-of-the-way places, as merchant ships do. 15 She gets up before daylight to prepare food for her family and to tell her servant women what to do. 16 She looks at land and buys it, and with money she has earned she plants a vineyard. 17 She is a hard worker, strong and industrious. 18 She knows the value of everything she makes, and works late into the night. 19 She spins her own thread and weaves her own cloth. 20 She is generous to the poor and needy. 21 She doesn’t worry when it snows, because her family has warm clothing. 22 She makes bedspreads and wears clothes of fine purple linen. 23 Her husband is well known, one of the leading citizens. 24 She makes clothes and belts, and sells them to merchants. 25 She is strong and respected and not afraid of the future. 26 She speaks with a gentle wisdom. 27 She is always busy and looks after her family’s needs. 28 Her children show their appreciation, and her husband praises her. 29 He says, “Many women are good wives, but you are the best of them all.” 30 Charm is deceptive and beauty disappears, but a woman who honours the Lord should be praised. 31 Give her credit for all she does. She deserves the respect of everyone.

May the Spirit of Jesus illuminate God’s word for us.

As I said earlier, there are basically two ways to understand this poem at the end of Proverbs, literally or metaphorically. Is the poem describing an actual human being, the ideal Wonder Woman that every man should aspire to marry?

Or is the poem describing wisdom herself, so the capable wife is not an actual human being but a metaphor personifying wisdom from God? Let’s starts by exploring a literal interpretation.

Wonder Woman:

We might summarise the qualities of the wife described in Proverbs 31 with the following C’s: character, commitment, capability, compassion and confidence. 

She is a woman of noble character (verse 10). Character has to do with virtue. Things like, honesty, faithfulness, courage and so on. Good character creates and maintains trust and trust is the foundation of any relationship.

Another important quality necessary for any long-term relationship is commitment. As Abraham Lincoln said, ‘Commitment is what transforms a promise into reality’.

Verse 12 says this wonder woman does good to her husband as long as she lives. That’s real commitment.  

There are times in a marriage when it is simply hard graft because of circumstances outside of your control. There are times when you just have to grit your teeth and commit yourself to getting through the tough stuff together.

The wife described in Proverbs 31 is a capable woman, meaning she has skills in working with her hands (verse 19) and in making good business decisions (verse 16). But she also has the capacity and the strength to work her socks off and get the job done (verse 17).

Verse 13 says, she keeps herself busy making wool & linen cloth. The original Hebrew text does not actually say ‘busy’. It literally translates ‘pleasure of her hands’ (or ‘eager hands’), meaning she enjoys working. Creative work is not drudgery to her. [1]

She is compassionate, opening her arms to the poor and helping the needy (verse 20). There is wisdom in taking care of those less fortunate in your neighbourhood. If you do, they are more likely to take care of you and your family when it is in their power to do so.      

Verse 26 shows us another aspect of her compassion. She speaks with gentle wisdom. The idea here is that she has just the right word in season. Truth with grace. She knows how to turn away wrath with a gentle word. 

Verse 21 tells us she is confident, not a worrier. She is not anxious about her household because she is prepared. Confidence is contagious. This wonder woman inspires confidence in others.

Most people are attracted to a partner by charm or beauty. But charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting. So, if you are looking for a marriage partner then competence, commitment, capability, compassion and confidence are all helpful qualities to keep in mind.

One quality that is conspicuous by its absence, in Proverbs 31, is compatibility. Compatibility has to do with how easily you get along. You want your partner in marriage to have a personality that fits with yours and doesn’t grate. You want to have the same values and be heading in the same direction, otherwise life will quickly become a grind.

A literal reading of Proverbs 31 paints a picture of a woman who is high performance and low maintenance. It is hard to imagine anyone living up to the standard set by this poem though. It seems a bit unreal, sort of like the Cosby Show – trying to hold up an ideal that is often divorced from the reality of everyday experience.

There are perhaps only three women in the entire Bible who come close to fitting the description of the wife in Proverbs 31…

Ruth probably fits the ideal best. She honours her first husband after he dies by looking after her mother-in-law and finding a relative of her husband to marry and provide an heir.

She works extremely hard, is good with her hands and demonstrates wisdom and loyalty, so much so that Boaz (a man of standing in the community) marries her and praises her. Indeed, she is praised by everyone in the community who say she is better than seven sons.

Abigail is another (almost) example of the Proverbs 31 wife. She is an astute business-woman who manages her household well. However, her first husband seems to take her for granted and she doesn’t have a great deal of respect for him either.

Looking at the New Testament; Lydia (possibly) approximates the ideal woman.

I’m not sure what her marital status was but Lydia was a wealthy trader in purple cloth, she honoured God and she provided for the apostles.

The point is this wonder woman of Proverbs 31 is hard to find even in the Bible. So how realistic is it for us to read this passage in a literal way? Because a literal reading seems to exclude most women…

It excludes single women and women who cannot have children.

It excludes women who can’t sew or cook. 

It excludes women whose children have gone off the rails.

It excludes women who don’t work outside the home.

It excludes women whose husbands share the domestic duties because she does work outside the home. It excludes women who don’t have servants.  

And it excludes women whose husband or children take them for granted.

It basically excludes any woman who needs more than 4 hours sleep a day.  

Apparently, some Jewish men used to recite this poem to their wives on Sabbath evenings. [2] If we give them the benefit of the doubt it was perhaps a gesture of their love and appreciation. A way of saying, ‘I see all that you do for our family’.  

But I imagine there were some weeks when the woman did not appreciate it – like she was being reminded of all the ways she did not measure up.

And this is one of the dangers with reading Proverbs 31 in a literal way. Girls might think this is how I should be. This is my duty or else I fail and am not worthy.  

The other danger with reading Proverbs 31 literally is that boys might think this is how my wife is supposed to be. She is supposed to do everything for me and the kids. Then there is disappointment when she does not live up to his expectations.

Ladies, if you try to live up to this, then you are just going to wear yourself out and you will probably end up alienating your husband for all your efforts. When I look at Proverbs 31 from a literal perspective, I find myself asking, ‘When do this couple ever spend any time together?’

She is so busy doing things apart from him that there is not much opportunity for companionship or intimacy in their relationship.

It’s like the chorus line in that song by The Chainsmokers and Coldplay. I’m not looking for somebody with some superhuman gifts, some superhero, some fairy tale bliss. I just want someone I can turn to, somebody I can kiss.

So, is there anything redeemable from a literal reading of this poem?

Well, yes. On the positive side we see a woman who is empowered and trusted by her husband. She has freedom and independence to use her initiative, to buy land and trade.

We could view this as quite enlightened for its time. It’s sort of a ‘women can anything’ text centuries before that became fashionable. It also shows men they don’t need to feel threatened or insecure if their wife is more competent than they are.   

The poem finishes by saying, a woman who honours the Lord should be praised. Give her credit for all she does. She deserves the respect of everyone.

This can be taken literally. Here we see a man who appreciates his wife and does not take her for granted. Men, don’t wait for your wife or mother or sister to meet some perfect ideal before you say good things to her.

Express your appreciation with words and with listening. Say it by helping with the kids and the housework. Say it by taking her out to a nice restaurant. Say it anyway that she can hear it, as long as the message is ‘I love and appreciate you’.

Wisdom Woman:

Okay, so a literal reading of the text can offer some helpful advice, but it also comes with some hooks. On the whole it is probably more helpful (and truer to the context) to understand the woman in Proverbs 31, not as a literal human being, but rather as a metaphor personifying wisdom.

Personification is when we give human characteristics to something that is not human. For example, in A.A. Milne’s stories of Winnie the Pooh – Pooh Bear has a friend called ‘Owl’. Owl is a personification of wisdom, just as Eeyore personifies melancholy and Piglet personifies loyalty.   

In a similar vein the writer of Proverbs 31 personifies wisdom, giving the abstract concept of wisdom, human characteristics.

As Kathleen O’Connor writes…

Rather than supplying the image of the correct marriage partner the poem [in Proverbs 31] serves as a summary of the whole Book of Proverbs. Its central character is no typical woman but the Wisdom Woman herself… this poem demonstrates what life is like once one has chosen to live with wisdom. [3]

In other words, the poem in Proverbs 31 is not suggesting that human wives need to wear themselves out trying to attain an impossible ideal. It is saying that men and women should intentionally seek wisdom like they would look for a marriage partner.

We should love wisdom, live with wisdom, sleep with wisdom, make a lifetime commitment to wisdom. Because then we (and our families) will enjoy all wisdom’s benefits.  

If we read Proverbs 31 metaphorically this is what it might sound like…

Verse 10 – How hard it is to find wisdom. She is worth far more than jewels.

This echoes Proverbs 8, where wisdom speaks as a woman saying…  

Choose my instruction instead of silver, knowledge rather than choice gold, for wisdom is more precious than rubies and nothing you desire can compare with her.

Verse 11 – The man who puts his confidence in wisdom will never be poor.

(As opposed to the man who puts his confidence in luck or dishonest gain.)

As long as she lives wisdom does him good and never harm.

Verses 13 & 14 – Wisdom works with eager hands. Wisdom brings home food from out of the way places. Wisdom gets up before daylight to prepare food for her family…

In other words, a wise man works to provide for his family. He doesn’t wait for things to fall into his lap. He doesn’t waste time doing busy work that bears little or no fruit. He enjoys working for a meaningful purpose, putting food on the table for the people he loves.

Verse 16 – Wisdom looks at land (she considers it first without rushing into a decision) then she buys it, and with money she has earned wisdom plants a vineyard.

This is like saying, a wise man does not leave his land lying unproductive. A wise man puts what he has to good use. Verse 16 is talking about stewardship.

Verses 17 & 18 – Wisdom is a hard worker, strong and industrious. Wisdom works late into the night.

This does not mean burning the candle at both ends or becoming a workaholic. That is not wisdom.

It could mean, a wise decision will go on working for you through the night, so you can sleep and have peace.

But it might also mean, if you have a problem to solve or a difficult decision to make, then often the wisest thing to do is sleep on it. As you sleep, wisdom does its work so when you wake in the morning the way forward is clearer.

The main point is that wisdom enables you to work smarter, so you don’t have to work harder.

Verse 20 – Wisdom is generous to the poor and needy.

In other words, it is wise to show practical compassion to those who are less fortunate. Better to have the poor on your side than to have them cursing you or worse.  

Verse 23 – Wisdom’s husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

The city gate, in ancient times, was sort of like the local council and court room. It was a place where the leaders of the city gathered to make community decisions.

When a man is wedded to wisdom, he earns respect and influence in the community. He is listened to.

We could go on, but you get the point. When we read Proverbs 31 metaphorically, thinking of the capable wife not as an actual human being but as Wisdom personified, then it takes on a whole new meaning.

Conclusion:

As I keep saying throughout this series, Jesus is the personification of God’s wisdom (both literally and metaphorically). Jesus embodies wisdom.

Jesus came that we might have abundant life. The yoke of Jesus’ wisdom is easy, meaning it fits us perfectly. And his burden is light, meaning he does not ask us to carry the weight of unrealistic expectations.  

When we make a lifetime commitment to following Jesus, we find wisdom.  

May God grant you a long and happy union with wisdom. Amen. 

Questions for discussion or reflection:

  1. What stands out for you in reading this Scripture and/or in listening to the sermon? Why do you think this stood out to you?
  • How do you feel when you read Proverbs 31:10-31 literally? How do you feel when you read this same passage metaphorically?
  • What are the difficulties in reading Proverbs 31:10-31 literally? What parts can be read literally?
  • What sort of qualities are important to you in a long-term relationship? (E.g. marriage or friendship.)
  • How does the meaning of verses 17 & 18 change when read metaphorically? That is, Wisdom is a hard worker, strong and industrious. Wisdom works late into the night. 
  • How does Proverbs 31 point to Jesus?

[1] Graeme Goldsworthy, ‘Proverbs The Tree of Life’, page 163.

[2] Paul E. Koptak, NIVAC Proverbs, page 675

[3] Cited in Alice Ogden Bellis’ book ‘Helpmates, Harlots and Heroes’, page 198.