Scripture: Matthew 18:21-35
Title: Forgiving
Structure:
- Introduction
- Forgiveness is letting go
- God’s forgiveness is unlimited but not unconditional
- Forgiving from the heart
- Conclusion
Introduction:
Good blood flow helps to heal wounds
– Without healthy blood flow a wound will take ages to heal or may even get worse
– Generally speaking things that improve blood flow include…
o Putting a heat pack on the wound area
o Elevating the wound to reduce swelling (because swelling restricts blood flow)
o And appropriate levels of exercise to aid circulation
o Looking after your heart also helps with blood flow – restricted arteries or poor blood pressure can impede blood flow and prolong the healing process
A ‘readiness to forgive’ is to the soul what good blood flow is to the body
– Forgiveness, like blood flow, heals wounds
– Without forgiveness the healing process can’t happen and our soul turns septic
Today we continue our series on well-being and care of the soul, using the acronym: HEALING.
– Each letter represents a word which, when properly applied, is life giving to the human soul…
– Hope Energy Appreciation Lament Inter-dependence Nurture & Giving
– Last week we looked at giving – this morning we continue the focus on giving with special reference to for-giving
Forgiveness is letting go:
As I mentioned earlier in the service, forgiveness is about letting go
– Letting go of our hurt and letting go of our desire to get even
– With forgiveness we don’t insist on our rights – we give up our rights in order to set the other person free from their obligation to us
– Forgiveness is a choice to refuse replaying the injury in our mind
– It is a choice not to remind the other person of what they have done – not to hold anything over them
Forgiveness is an act of faith
– When we forgive others we are trusting God to make things right, as opposed to taking matters into our own hands.
– Likewise, when we seek forgiveness we are trusting in God’s mercy, not in our own rightness.
Forgiveness is similar to grieving
– With both grieving and forgiveness we have lost something and we are coming to terms with that loss in a way that allows us to move forward
– If the loss is significant then our forgiveness may require some lament
– For example, we may have to give honest expression to our anger before we can forgive, before we can let the other person go free
To illustrate how God’s forgiveness works Jesus tells a parable to his disciples in Matthew 18
– In the context of Matthew 18, Jesus has just been talking about how his followers are to relate with each other, and in particular how they are to restore broken relationships. From Matthew 18, verse 21, we read…
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”
Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
“Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
“At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ The servant’s master had compassion on him, cancelled the debt and let him go.
“But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.
“His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’
“But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened. “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I cancelled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”
May God’s Spirit illuminate this reading for us
God’s forgiveness is unlimited but not unconditional:
This parable shows us that while God’s forgiveness is unlimited, it is not unconditional
Someone once said, ‘It doesn’t matter how much milk you spill so long as you don’t lose the cow.’
– I guess the point is that mistakes are bound to happen – milk is going to get spilt – but, as long as we still have the cow we can always get some more. With the cow, our milk supply is unlimited
One way of understanding Jesus’ parable here is that God gives us the cow of grace – or unlimited forgiveness
– But in order for us to keep the cow we must share the milk of forgiveness with others – if we don’t share the forgiveness then we forfeit the cow
– While God’s forgiveness is unlimited, it is not unconditional
The standard Jewish teaching of the day recommended that you forgive someone 3 times
– So when Peter suggested the upper limit for forgiveness might be 7 times, he was going well beyond the norm but still missing the point really
– Because forgiveness, by definition, requires us to not keep score at all
– Maintaining a ledger of wrong doing is the opposite of forgiveness
So, when Jesus said to Peter, ‘Not seven times, but seventy seven times’
– He did not literally mean 77 times (or 490 times as some translations say)
– He meant that we should not be counting
– Our forgiveness of others should be unlimited
– Martin Luther King summed it up well when he said…
– Forgiveness is an attitude, not an occasional act
Jesus illustrates how God’s forgiveness works by telling a story about the kingdom of heaven
– In Jesus’ parable the king wants to settle accounts with his servants
– One of his servants is brought in who owes him 10,000 talents
– Now a talent in Jesus’ time was not a special ability that one might possess like singing or drawing
– A talent was a measure of weight – the largest measure of weight they had (in this case probably of silver)
– What’s more 10,000 was the largest increment or number they used
– So when Jesus says the servant owed 10,000 talents he does not mean for us to try and calculate the exact sum of silver or gold this may represent
– Jesus is quoting a figure which was at the limit of what anyone in that culture could imagine
– It was a figure many times greater than the GDP of Galilee – which means it would be impossible for the servant to repay the king
At first the king orders his servant to be sold as a slave (along with his wife & kids and all his property)
– This in itself would not cover the debt – it was simply a way of the king preventing further losses and recouping what he could
– Now, under the circumstances this was quite a merciful thing for the king to do – he could have ordered the servant’s head to be cut off or had him thrown in jail, but he doesn’t
Interestingly, the servant does not want to work for anyone else
– The servant realises how good he has it with the king and wants to stay under the king’s care and protection – so he begs for mercy by saying…
– Be patient with me and I will pay you everything
Now this is a lie told by a man in desperation
– There is no way the servant could repay the entire debt – not even if he was given several lifetimes – it is impossible
– The servant wants the king’s grace but he is unwilling to fully accept the truth of what he has done
– Forgiveness doesn’t work unless we honestly take in what has happened
– It’s the truth about ourselves that sets us free to forgive others
– Truth is to forgiveness what sanding is to painting or what digging is to laying foundations – without truth, forgiveness doesn’t stick
The king knows that his servant can’t repay him but he has compassion on him and forgives the debt altogether – forgiveness is letting go of getting even
– Forgiveness is also an act of faith
– The king is trusting his servant to learn from his mistakes and not repeat the sorts of behaviour that got him into debt in the first place
– He is also trusting his servant to pay it forward and forgive others
As soon as the servant is out of the king’s presence he finds a fellow servant who owes him a hundred denarii (equivalent to about 3 months wages for a labourer at that time) – nothing by comparison to 10,000 talents of silver
– He grabs his fellow servant by the throat and says…
– Pay back what you owe me
– But when this fellow servant begs for mercy the first servant refuses and instead throws his co-worker into debtors’ prison
The unforgiving servant’s behaviour is the opposite of the king’s behaviour
– The king was not violent but the unforgiving servant is
– The king had compassion but the unforgiving servant is obtuse
– The king did not insist on his rights whereas the unforgiving servant demands justice
– The king released his servant but this same man who was released throws his fellow servant in prison
The other staff see all this and they are very upset
– So they go to the king and intercede for the poor bloke who has been thrown in prison
– The fact that they go to the king suggests they are used to the king listening and acting justly – they trust the king to do the right thing
When the king hears what the unforgiving servant has done he is outraged
– He tells the servant some home truths and sends the man to jail to be tortured until he should pay back the whole amount
– That’s a frightening thought when you consider that the unforgiving servant had no way of repaying the debt and no friends to bail him out
– It might leave us with some rather discomforting thoughts about God
– The same God who welcomes the prodigal
– The same God who goes looking for the lost sheep
– The same God who shows mercy and forgives generously
– Is the same God who executes justice and punishes the hypocrite
To be clear God is not volatile or capricious – he is not prone to lashing out in random acts of rage. A couple of things to bear in mind about this situation…
Firstly, hyperbole or exaggeration are the hall-marks of this parable and the unforgiving servant himself is presented as an extreme example
– He is certainly not representative of every servant of the king
Secondly, the king in this parable is simply giving the servant what he asked for
– He had demanded justice for himself from his fellow servant
– And so this is exactly what the king gives him
– Measure for measure the king treated the unforgiving servant as he had treated others
I believe that God is just and merciful – he wouldn’t punish anyone beyond what they deserve
– This being so the worst we can expect from God is justice and the best we can expect is mercy – either way, the choice is ours
– Through faith in Jesus, God offers his mercy and his forgiveness to everyone – all we have to do is accept his mercy and pay it forward
– But, if we insist on justice for ourselves, then that’s what God will give us
When we consider our own experience the imprisonment and torture in this parable equate to the mental & emotional anguish that un-forgiveness creates for the individual
– Holding a grudge is like letting someone live rent free in your head
– Or, as Malachy McCourt puts it, “Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die”
When we fail to forgive others, when we insist on justice for ourselves,
– When we keep a record of wrongs,
– When we hold onto the bricks of hurt & resentment, we lose the cow of forgiveness
– We make ourselves a prisoner to all sorts of tormenting thoughts & fears
– In short, we cut ourselves off from God’s mercy
Thomas Fuller once said, “He who cannot forgive breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass.”
– Our forgiveness, our freedom, is conditional on us forgiving others
– When we forgive others we maintain the bridge that God has built for us through Christ
Forgiving from the heart:
After talking about the punishment of the unforgiving servant Jesus concludes his parable (in verse 35) by saying…
– “That is how my Father in heaven will treat every one of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart”
What does it mean to forgive your brother or your sister from your heart?
– Well it means to forgive genuinely, authentically, from deep within yourself
– It is not a superficial, passive aggressive, phoney kind of forgiveness
– It’s not saying, ‘May God forgive you’, and then fantasying about beating that person up
– It is the kind of forgiveness that sets us free on the inside
A couple of weeks ago I was crossing the road when some random guy I didn’t recognise yelled out from across the street calling me an obscene name
– I did nothing to provoke him, I was just walking across the road
– At the time I felt shocked and didn’t really know what to do so I carried on walking and, silently in my head, asked God to forgive him
Afterwards though it started to bother me – why did he call me that name?
– Despite having asked God to forgive him there was a part of me that wanted to do violent things to him
– It was exhausting trying to stop my mind from going down that track
Perhaps if I said the words, ‘I forgive you’, out loud a few times, maybe that would work
– But it didn’t. If anything that just made it worse – it only made me think about it more
– He wasn’t sorry – he wasn’t even there to hear my forgiveness
– So that night I tried to distract myself by watching some junk TV, but that didn’t work either, there was always something to remind me of the injury to my pride
Eventually I remembered what had worked for me in the past when I was struggling to let something go
– The problem was, I kept thinking about my innocence and that made me hungry for justice
– What I needed to think about was my guilt so that I would be hungry for mercy
I was upset about this guy taking my name in vain, blaspheming my name, and I couldn’t let it go because (sub-consciously) it reminded me of the times when I’ve taken God’s name in vain
– This guy was showing me a mirror – I was that man
– You see, while I’ve never done anything against the guy who yelled abuse at me, I have at times abused God’s name
– The truth is I have behaved in ways that have made God appear obscene to others and yet God has forgiven me for that
– Me taking God’s name in vain is far worse than that guy taking my name in vain – and once I realised that I stopped thinking about my injury and I forgave the guy from my heart – I was able to let it go, without Netflix
– The things that bother us most about other people are often the things that bother us most about ourselves
Ideally forgiveness leads to restoration of right relationship
– In fact reconciliation is not possible without forgiveness
– However, forgiveness is possible without reconciliation
– Forgiveness is always necessary but full reconciliation and restoration of relationship is not always wise
– I don’t know the guy who yelled at me and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t want to know me either, so I don’t have to try and be his friend
Of course the example I’ve given is a relatively small thing – it’s not the same as being physically or sexually abused by someone you know
– Forgiveness of that magnitude usually requires a process of grieving & lament, not to mention a fair dollop of God’s grace
Jesus’ call to forgive others is not a call to be used as a doormat or a punching bag.
– If someone commits a serious criminal offence against you then it is okay to take that to the police – forgiveness doesn’t mean turning a blind eye
– Wherever possible we should seek to restore damaged relationships but if the person you need to forgive is not willing to change,
– If they continue to behave in abusive ways
– If they simply cannot be trusted then you do not need to remain in relationship with them
– You do need to forgive them (to let go of the hurt) in order to find healing, but you don’t need to try and be their friend
– Better to call them by their proper name – your enemy
– As a last resort Matthew 18 also allows for the ex-communication of the unrepentant
Forgiveness is not an excuse for us to dodge our responsibilities
– If we do wrong then we should apologise to the one we have offended
– If we can repay our debts, then we must
– If we can put things right, then we should do that
– If we commit a crime then we have to face the courts and take our punishment
– God’s mercy does not erase his justice, it supports his justice
– God’s mercy supports us to do the right thing
Conclusion:
God’s forgiveness is unlimited but it is not unconditional
– God will forgive us generously when we call on him
– But we forfeit his forgiveness if we refuse to forgive others
– As Jesus said, “Blessed are the merciful, they will be shown mercy”
Let us pray a prayer of confession…
Loving Father, our sin is too much for us to bear but Your forgiveness is greater than our sin.
Forgive us for our anxious thoughts and failure to trust you. Calm the waters of our soul.
Forgive us for our words which have wounded like shrapnel or sown weeds in other people’s hearts. Make our speech gracious and true.
Forgive us for the pride that blinds us to our own faults. Remove the plank from our mind’s eye.
Forgive us for the times we have dragged your name through the mud. Help us to reflect your image clearly.
Forgive us for the violence we imagine, provoke and express. Make us a channel of your peace.
Forgive us for our unceasing consumption which is destroying this planet. Satisfy our desires in Christ and restore the earth.
Forgive us for denying your grace by insisting on our own innocence. Make us aware of our need for your mercy.
Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us. Set us free to serve you with clean hands and a pure heart. Amen.
Questions for discussion or reflection:
1.) What stands out for you in reading this Scripture and/or in listening to the sermon?
2.) What is forgiveness?
– What might forgiveness look like in practice – both mentally and relationally?
– How is forgiveness an act of faith?
– In what ways is forgiveness like grieving?
3.) How does Jesus’ response to Peter and the parable in Matthew 18 convey the idea that God’s forgiveness is unlimited?
– How does the parable convey the idea that God’s forgiveness in not unconditional?
4.) What does the parable show us about God’s character?
5.) Why is truth (esp. the truth about ourselves) necessary for forgiveness to stick?
6.) What is the consequence, in your experience, of failing to forgive?
– How does this fit with the consequence for the unforgiving servant in Jesus’ parable?
7.) What does it mean to forgive from your heart?
– How might we forgive from our heart?
– Why does insisting on our innocence get in the way of forgiving?
8.) How is forgiveness different from reconciliation?
– How does forgiveness relate to reconciliation?
– When is it appropriate to seek reconciliation with someone?
– When is it not appropriate to seek reconciliation with someone?
9.) Is there someone you need to forgive?
– Is there someone you need to seek forgiveness from?
Tawa Baptist 